The dehydration crisis amongst Tea Partiers

By Amanda Marcotte
Monday, June 28, 2010 13:27 EDT
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Now back to our regularly scheduled blogging about the fucking scary movement conservatives that are taking over the GOP. TPM reported on Sharron Angle’s affiliation with the Independent American Party, which TPM describes as “Christian conservative-cum-libertarian”, which is wingnut-ese for a co-commitment to patriarchy and white domination. Unsurprisingly, these are folks with high level fears of contamination from all sorts of scary Others. And they aren’t afraid to advertise it!

Independent American Party supporters could buy “Homophobia – No | Homonausea – Yes” bumper stickers for the special low price of $1.

To you or I, this may seem like a distinction without difference. But this is a very big deal for the Real American Men of the wingnutteria. To suggest that they experience “homophobia” is to suggest that they experience fear, and that is basically saying they aren’t men, but 6 foot tall vaginas with legs. So that breathless hysteria about homosexuality they express that looks exactly like fear is totally not fear.

To digress a bit, this mentality is basically an inescapable trap. When you fear being exposed as someone who has fears because this makes you less of a man, you’re in a constant state of fear, i.e. non-manhood. Which you have to desperately cover up, which creates more fearful behavior that you have to cover up. It’s a vicious cycle.

It’s been well-established the Angle is objectively pro-cavity and has resisted fluoride in the drinking water. People who are freaked out about this may be publicly cagey about why, but it’s well-known that they fear that fluoridation is a communist mind control plot. But the fear of invisible agents in the water out to get you doesn’t stop there! IAP published a 16-page advertising insert in various Nevada papers in 1994 that is basically a hate tract against gay people. If you follow this link, you can see the whole thing. TPM’s description:

The ad insert, which approvingly cites an 1814 legal treatise titled “Consequences of Sodomy: Ruin of a Nation,” is a digest of articles that refer to LGBT people alternately as “homosexuals,” “sodomites,” and “brazen perverts.” The insert includes virtually every homophobic myth ever conceived.

Sample headlines include: “Homosexual Curriculum In The First Grade” … “Flawed Science Nurtures Genetic Origin For Homosexuality” … “No Constitutional Right To Be A Sodomite.” Here’s a passage from an item headlined “True Homosexual Character Revealed”:

Homosexuals argue that they are a peaceful and gay people. Yet … Dr. Paul Cameron of the Family Research Report writes “the top six U.S. male killers were all homosexuals.”

But for those of us who are fascinated by wingnut contamination fears, this is by far the most fascinating part of the ad insert.

HIV Drinking Water

TPM’s description:

Writer Lorraine Day, M.D., concluded that yes, the virus can survive in the water. Citing medical journal articles, she raised the specter of HIV infection through public pools, hot tubs, and municipal water supplies.

This brings up some questions: Is HIV the same thing as fluoride, or does it simply work in conjunction with fluoride to attack your precious bodily fluids? Is HIV a mind control agent? If so, how does it work? Does it turn you gay?

Seriously, I can totally see wingnut paranoia that you contract HIV in the drinking water, it turns you gay, and then you’re forced against your will to do all those delicious homosexual sex acts that you currently just obsess over night and day. And then you die and burn in hell, because god is an asshole who will let you pay for being the victim of a mind control agent. Meanwhile, the communists and Islamofascists will take over, because they don’t drink the water, stayed straight, and were able to out reproduce everyone else. If you don’t believe this is possible, I say to you that it’s already happened, which is why a commie Islamofascist was elected President.

My only question left, then, is this: With all these mind control agents and contaminants in the water for wingnuts to avoid, how do they not suffer massive dehydration?

Amanda Marcotte
Amanda Marcotte
Amanda Marcotte is a freelance journalist born and bred in Texas, but now living in the writer reserve of Brooklyn. She focuses on feminism, national politics, and pop culture, with the order shifting depending on her mood and the state of the nation.
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