Two more reasons to be a curmudgeonly childless marriage boycotter

By Amanda Marcotte
Wednesday, August 3, 2011 21:47 EDT
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1) Facebook  is adding an "Expected: Child" option, furthering its decline from a kooky social networking website into a content generator for STFU Parents.  This is a really stupid idea, beyond just being annoying.  I went and tested it by entering that I was expecting child Suck Ass in December 2012.  In other words, you can put that you're expecting before you're even pregnant.  Which means you can definitely put that you're expecting fairly early in your pregnancy, which, combined with the way the internet causes people to be a little swifter and more open with the public than is often wise, will lead to some sad times for women who pee on a stick, put immediately change their status, and then miscarry a month later and have to explain shit.  

You also get to name your embryo/fetus/imaginary uterine occupant.  Which should cause some fun when a pregnant woman puts that she's expecting "Angelica" while her husband puts that he's expecting "Mary Ann".  Or worse, "Anthony". 

2) Hobo wedding, via Regretsy.  While not on the level of a Colonial Africa-themed wedding, still in pretty bad taste, since, you know, you're taking people's poverty and suffering and making it a cutesy quirky-yet-tastefu theme for your happy day.  When I linked this in Twitter, I was told by a follower that it's not as bad as it looks, because they only spent $15K on the wedding, which is significantly less than the national average, which means that if one was buying a car to live it with the cash instead, you'd be having to look at used cars and not so much at a comfier luxury SUV. 

I feel somewhat bad, because the couple who posted their cutesy wedding on Etsy are getting a lot of grief, and they seem like nice people who just had a brain fart when they picked their wedding theme.  It could happen to any of us.  

So I'm going to go ahead and do the liberal thing, and point out this is less about individual error than a systemic problem.  The wedding-industrial complex has made having a wedding a competitive act, which has not only caused spending to go up, but has also escalated the amount of quirky shit that you're supposed to do in order to have people talk about what a unique and amazing couple you are.  And if someone does something quirky, it's immediately copied by everyone else desperate to take it to the next level, making the lifespan of a wedding trend—from the cute inception to the point where it's done to death—about 5 months long, as evidenced by the explosion of "kooky" father-daughter dances on YouTube.

kooky father daughter dances are no longer unique

The pressure to do something memorable and unique gets to people, and I think it overrides other considerations after awhile, such as guest enjoyment and avoiding offense.  I'm not sitting in judgment.  I'm a competitive person, and if I was getting married, I'm sure the beast would eat me up and next thing you know I'd be asking people to stand on their heads while someone plays the Chipmunks rapping "Here Comes The Bride" while I walked down the aisle.  This disaster is being cleanly avoided by not getting married at all.

But I'm just one woman, and as my post below indicates, I'm not one to think that boycotts that are small and unorganized have little value beyond making the person engaging in them feel morally superior.  What we clearly need is a collective movement to just say no to the craziness. 

Amanda Marcotte
Amanda Marcotte
Amanda Marcotte is a freelance journalist born and bred in Texas, but now living in the writer reserve of Brooklyn. She focuses on feminism, national politics, and pop culture, with the order shifting depending on her mood and the state of the nation.
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