Colbert advises Earthlings to evacuate before NASA satellite crash

By David Edwards
Friday, September 23, 2011 9:46 EDT
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A satellite is expected to crash into earth sometime Friday, but according to NASA’s calculations you may already be dead.

Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert mocked the U.S. space agency Thursday for their extremely vague predictions about where and when the satellite will hit.

“This death machine in question is NASA’s 20-year-old Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite or UARS,” Colbert explained. “As in, UARS all going to die.”

“I don’t want you to panic because the boys at NASA have pinpointed the precise time the impact will occur… tomorrow afternoon, give or take 14 hours. Which means that you either have until Saturday morning or you were vaporized two hours ago.”

NASA has also said that the spacecraft could strike almost anyone on the planet.

“If you are one of the six billion thrill seekers in the impact zone, you will want to flee to the safety of Antarctica or the Norwegian island of Svalbard,” the comedy central host joked. “But folks, don’t worry because you will have plenty of time to get there because in addition to providing a 28-hour impact window across a 118-million square mile danger zone, NASA is providing a 20-minute warning before the satellite strikes.”

Watch this video from Comedy Central’s The Colbert Report, broadcast Sept. 22, 2011.

David Edwards
David Edwards
David Edwards has served as an editor at Raw Story since 2006. His work can also be found at Crooks & Liars, and he's also been published at The BRAD BLOG. He came to Raw Story after working as a network manager for the state of North Carolina and as as engineer developing enterprise resource planning software. Follow him on Twitter at @DavidEdwards.
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