Romney Won’t Make Babies with Paul Ryan

By wilbur
Thursday, April 5, 2012 12:23 EDT
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Just because Republican presidential frontrunner Mitt Romney thinks that Paul Ryan is a “leading Republican light,” that doesn’t mean Romney wants to conceive children with him.

Ryan may be a “bold” and “brilliant visionary” whose socially Darwinist budget proposal Romney believes is an “excellent piece of work,” but that doesn’t mean Romney wants to marry Ryan or take him on family road trips with the family dog strapped to the roof of the family station wagon.

And so what if they choreograph their outfits on the campaign trail!

Romney isn’t the king of consistency when it comes to policy positions, but he wants all Americans to be clear about one thing: He is not leaving his wife to shack up with the Wisconsin congressman.

“He’s a great leader, a great speaker,” Romney said of Ryan on Tuesday, after winning the Wisconsin primary, “but he’s not going to take Ann’s place.

Romney won’t tell the American people how he would govern if he were elected president, but at least we know he’s not a homosexual, a swinger, or a polygamist. That’s worth 60 million votes right there.

Wilbur is an award-winning podunk news reporter turned True Blue politics junkie and cynically progressive Hope™-monger. He writes sensational hit pieces on knuckle-draggers, puritopians, the ever-embarassing United States Congress, and “our pundits of perpetual disappointment.” Twitter: @MuddyPolitics E-mail: MuddyPolitics@gmail.com
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