National Review Online’s John Derbyshire has penned the sort of racist drivel that makes me want to dump a bottle of single-malt over my head. Essentially, he takes “The Talk” which black parents have with their kids to keep them from ending up like Trayvon Martin, and retools it for white folks.
Needless to say, it’s aggressively stupid and unimaginably racist.
Let’s just say, if you took some racism, added more racism, and then wrapped it in racism, the end product still would not be as racist as Derbyshire’s really really ridiculously racist “common sense” tips for his kids.
Here they are (with added life-saving tips from yours truly):
(10a) Avoid concentrations of blacks not all known to you personally. [A strange Negro is a dangerous Negro. -ed.]
(10b) Stay out of heavily black neighborhoods. [If you see spinning rims, hear loud thumping bass, and see cars bouncing up and down as if on a pogo stick, get the fuck out of there. You're about to get capped. -ed.]
(10c) If planning a trip to a beach or amusement park at some date, find out whether it is likely to be swamped with blacks on that date (neglect of that one got me the closest I have ever gotten to death by gunshot). [Be sure to call up Six Flags and ask for scientifically-sound data regarding the ratio of Negroes to non-Negroes. Also, ask about the 'conceal and carry' policies. You may want to bring your handgun, in case shit gets real and you're forced to stand your ground. As for the beach, black people don't swim, so instead of being in the water, they're usually on the beach rifling through your shit, so keep yo shit under lock and key. -ed.]
(10d) Do not attend events likely to draw a lot of blacks. [Stay away from basketball courts, watermelon patches, and Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles -ed.]
(10e) If you are at some public event at which the number of blacks suddenly swells, leave as quickly as possible. [If you see a wave of blacks coming at you, you better run or lock and load! -ed.]
(10f) Do not settle in a district or municipality run by black politicians. [Isn't this just 10(b) repeated? Also, does this mean that all you racist-ass white people are going to finally leave the country when Obama wins his second term? I hear hell is unseasonably warm. -ed.]
(10g) Before voting for a black politician, scrutinize his/her character much more carefully than you would a white. [Make sure you ask for his long-form birth certificate and determine whether or not he maintains anti-colonialist views. Most black politicians are con artists. -ed.]
(10h) Do not act the Good Samaritan to blacks in apparent distress, e.g., on the highway. [If you see a Negro with a flat tire, keep it movin'. We're probably going to carjack you. -ed.]
(10i) If accosted by a strange black in the street, smile and say something polite but keep moving. [ You're just asking for trouble. Do not stop for strange Negroes. They're usually up to no good. What the fuck are you doing in a black neighborhood anyway? We talked about this already. (See 10(b).) -ed.]
(11) The mean intelligence of blacks is much lower than for whites. The least intelligent ten percent of whites have IQs below 81; forty percent of blacks have IQs that low. Only one black in six is more intelligent than the average white; five whites out of six are more intelligent than the average black. These differences show in every test of general cognitive ability that anyone, of any race or nationality, has yet been able to devise. They are reflected in countless everyday situations. “Life is an IQ test.” [Ni-CLANG!s are stupid. It says so in The Bell Curve. -ed.]
(12) There is a magnifying effect here, too, caused by affirmative action. In a pure meritocracy there would be very low proportions of blacks in cognitively demanding jobs. Because of affirmative action, the proportions are higher. In government work, they are very high. Thus, in those encounters with strangers that involve cognitive engagement, ceteris paribus the black stranger will be less intelligent than the white. In such encounters, therefore—for example, at a government office—you will, on average, be dealt with more competently by a white than by a black. If that hostility-based magnifying effect (paragraph 8) is also in play, you will be dealt with more politely, too. “The DMV lady“ is a statistical truth, not a myth. [Negroes are too stupid to do cognitive-intensive work. If you see them working at the Post Office, avoid them. They're too stupid to sell you stamps, and they're going to be hostile about it because all they'll be thinking while trying to help your white ass is "KILL WHITEY!" -ed.]
(13) In that pool of forty million, there are nonetheless many intelligent and well-socialized blacks. (I’ll use IWSB as an ad hoc abbreviation.) You should consciously seek opportunities to make friends with IWSBs. In addition to the ordinary pleasures of friendship, you will gain an amulet against potentially career-destroying accusations of prejudice. [Find an IWSB aka "a starter Negro," make him or her your friend, and never let go! If you feel up to it, ask for a photo of your starter Negro so that you can wear it in a locket around your neck. Ideally, you would be featured in the photo with your starter Negro so that there will be proof that you have taken a picture with at least one black person. When someone accuses you of being racist, show the accuser a picture of you and your Black Friend. The accuser will immediately be appeased, and likely become your Second Black Friend. Soon you'll be stacking up Black Friends like paper. -ed.]
(14) Be aware, however, that there is an issue of supply and demand here. Demand comes from organizations and businesses keen to display racial propriety by employing IWSBs, especially in positions at the interface with the general public—corporate sales reps, TV news presenters, press officers for government agencies, etc.—with corresponding depletion in less visible positions. There is also strong private demand from middle- and upper-class whites for personal bonds with IWSBs, for reasons given in the previous paragraph and also (next paragraph) as status markers. [There aren't enough starter Negroes to go around, so you might have to share one. -ed.]
(15) Unfortunately the demand is greater than the supply, so IWSBs are something of a luxury good, like antique furniture or corporate jets: boasted of by upper-class whites and wealthy organizations, coveted by the less prosperous. To be an IWSB in present-day US society is a height of felicity rarely before attained by any group of human beings in history. Try to curb your envy: it will be taken as prejudice (see paragraph 13). [Don't be jelly of the starter Negroes. Starter Negroes are better than elitist white people and are to be treated with respect. If you talk smack about a starter Negro, you'll be called racist. If you are called racist, show your accuser your Negro Locket and demand an apology. Then have a good laugh and feel good that you are racially enlightened. Also, if your accuser is black, determine if s/he is willing to be your second (or third, or fourth) Black Friend. The more starter Negroes in your armory, the better you'll be able to fend off pesky accusations of racism. -ed.]
I have to hand it to Mr. Derbyshire. It’s usually fairly difficult to pack so much racist fail into one post. In fact, I’m so impressed, that I volunteer to be his starter Negro, should he need one. Call me, John!
On a personal note, I stumbled across an article on NRO via Wonkette, which detailed Derbyshire’s talk to the Black Law Student Association at UPenn School of Law two years ago, wherein he lectured black students about their intellectual inferiority:
It wasn’t actually very exciting. The main point of the thing was indeed to chew over Amy Wax’s new book. The argument of the book, very briefly, is that what can be done in law, politics, and social engineering to make amends for slavery and Jim Crow has been done, and the rest is up to African Americans themselves.
Here’s the description of Amy Wax’s book, Race Wrongs, and Remedies from Amazon:
Black Americans continue to lag behind on many measures of social and economic well-being. Conventional wisdom holds that these inequalities can only be eliminated by eradicating racism and providing well-funded social programs. In Race, Wrongs, and Remedies, Amy L. Wax applies concepts from the law of remedies to show that the conventional wisdom is mistaken. She argues that effectively addressing today’s persistent racial disparities requires dispelling the confusion surrounding blacks’ own role in achieving equality.
The evidence overwhelmingly suggests that discrimination against blacks has dramatically abated. The most important factors now impeding black progress are behavioral: low educational attainment, poor socialization and work habits, drug use, criminality, paternal abandonment, and non-marital childbearing. Although these maladaptive patterns are largely the outgrowth of past discrimination and oppression, they now largely resist correction by government programs or outside interventions. Wax asserts that the black community must solve these problems from within. Self-help, changed habits, and a new cultural outlook are, in fact, the only effective tactics for eliminating the present vestiges of our nation’s racist past.
Amy Wax was my civil procedure professor during my 1L year at UVA. She pretty much scared the shit out of all the first years, and her final exam hung like the Sword of Damocles over all the heads of the students unfortunate to be stuck in her class. Given her prickly personality and what I remember about her, I guess it’s not surprising that she subscribes to the Bell Curve theory of black success and intelligence.
By the way, I got an A- in Civ Pro, which (from what I understand) is pretty rare. It was common knowledge that very few students got A’s on Amy Wax’s exams, and I remember being very proud of myself at the time. Thirteen years later, I now have this vision of her remarking, “See? Here’s one of the good ones” as she graded my exam.
Damn, it feels good to be an IWSB.
[via Think Progress]
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