Remember the Girl Scouts kerfuffle from last month? An Indiana lawmaker read Something on the Internet about how Girl Scouts are in cahoots with Planned Parenthood to reign terror and abortions on impressionable young girls, and proceeded to rail against the Girl Scouts as a “radical organization” which promotes “homosexual lifestyles” and allows “transgendered females to join just like any real girl.” Remember how we laughed and laughed and ordered an unreasonable number of cookies out of spite? Good times.
This is the problem with the idiots in the Republican party: they get their news from email chains. The sorts of email chains that show up in your inbox bearing subject headers like “Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: OMG HES BLACK”. Emails that are passed around in Teabilly back-channels and are not supposed to be seen by the public. Emails for which Republicans issue “mistakes were made”-type apologies once the public gets their hands on them. E-mails which (former) presidential candidates assume contain facts.
We’re talking emails with photos of Obama with a bone through his nose; photos with a watermelon patch on the White House lawn; birther screeds; screeds about lady sluts using abortion for birth control; and of course, screeds about Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move Program turning young people into socialists, and the Girl Scouts turning girls into transgendered lesbians.
This is your Republican party, future lesbian aborters and gentlemen.
Welcome to Crazy. All are welcome. Just grab a computer, log in to www.republicantalkingpoints.blargh and let your imagination do the rest.
If you don’t recall the Girl Scout Rumpus, consider yourself lucky. Otherwise, you would have been filled with rage — delicious minty rage — as you stood in solidarity with the Girl Scouts by shoving sleeve after sleeve of spite cookies into your gaping maw just because you could. (I mention this only because it happened to a friend of mine.)
In any event, a lawmaker in Alaska (from Wasilla, no less) decided he just had to go and prove me right. On Thursday, Rep. Wes Keller held up a resolution in the House State Affairs Committee honoring Girl Scouts of Alaska and the Year of the Girl because he read Something on the Internet that made him nervous about nefarious conspiracy between Girl Scouts of America and Planned Abortions Parenthood:
The legislator, Rep. Wes Keller, R-Wasilla, said he was concerned over Internet “rumors” of such a connection.
“Our position on sensitive issues is quite clear,” Girl Scouts of Alaska said in a written statement. “We take no position on the subjects of birth control or abortion and we believe these topics are best discussed between girls and their families. Neither Girl Scouts of USA, nor Girl Scouts of Alaska has a relationship or partnership with Planned Parenthood.”
On Thursday, Keller, acting chairman of the House State Affairs Committee, stunned other committee members and Sen. Bettye Davis when he wouldn’t let the committee move Davis’ resolution honoring a century of Girl Scouts and the 2012 Year of the Girl. The resolution had passed the Senate unanimously in February.
“I’m sure you are aware of the information that’s floating around the Internet, and I’d like to give you the opportunity to respond to your connection, the Girl Scout connection, with Planned Parenthood and the activist role in that,” Keller said to Davis and her legislative intern. The 21-year-old intern had presented the resolution to the committee.
Davis said she didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.
She and the intern later found references in the right-wing blogosphere to assertions the Girl Scouts and Planned Parenthood were in league to advance a radical feminist agenda that includes abortion rights.
Keller’s response to the Girl Scouts Ultimatum was quintessentially FoxNewsy:
“The girl scouts are wonderful and I love their cookies. It is an organization that has the goal of teaching our younger girls about responsibility, leadership, and moral values, skills in the home and outdoors, and the American way of life. If you agree that is what scouting organizations are supposed to do then it is logical that any link with an organization that may compromise those principles needs to be brought to the forefront. I did not establish a link; I simply asked the question, nothing more.
“Presumably the sponsor will provide a response and we can get on with honoring the girl scouts.
It’s part of the job representing constituents to establish a public record. You do that by asking questions and getting answers.”
What’s the big deal? Wasilla Wes is just asking questions. He read some scary shit on the internets about Girl Scouts turning girls into gays, and all he wants is some answers! As soon as the Girl Scouts prove they’re not a gaggle of green-garbed degenerates, Wasilla Wes is happy to get on with honoring the pre-teen cookie peddlers. After all, he loves their cookies. He said so himself. Then again, if you ask me, it’s a little bit creepy: “I love their cookies.” What does that mean, really? I read on the Internet that Keller might like their “cookies” a little too much, IYKWIMAITYD.
What?! I’m simply asking a question — nothing more. Sheesh!
ABL aka Angry Black Lady aka Imani Gandy is a recovering attorney with a burning love of fire and perfectly-constructed sentences. The “anger” portion of her moniker stems not from her displeasure at the hellscape that American politics has become, but rather is a symptom of the pituitary tumor which has been indefinitely detained in her brain since 2006. When she’s not pointing out that people are wrong on the Internet – or writing for Balloon Juice, The Grio, The Team Uterati Wiki Project, or RH Reality Check -- she likes long sits on the beach. Also, she thinks gravity is a real downer. You can follow her on Twitter at @AngryBlackLady.
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