From a tweet by our own Jesse Taylor, I discovered two very startling things today. One, a naked man decided, for no discernible reason, to pounce on a likely homeless guy taking a nap at 2PM on the side of the freeway and chew his face off. Two, some people are so obsessively racist that their only reaction to this news was to jump into comments and gripe about a nearby hip-hop festival (many attendees who were put out by the ensuing traffic jam caused by the incident). This, even though there are many details in the story that should distract even a hardened racist from his obsession, such as the fact that the victim appears to have lost quite a bit of face (but is so far surviving) and that the officer on duty had to shoot the attacker multiple times, because the guy didn’t stop chewing his victim’s face when shot the first time.
There are a couple of important lessons to be learned from this.
1) As George Romero predicted in his iconic film on the subject, American racism will not be suspended even in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
2) But as we’ve learned from roughly every zombie film ever made, the people who can’t rapidly rearrange their priorities to accommodate a zombie apocalypse are the first to be eaten. Which means that the guys shaking their fists at the evil hippity-hoppers are going down, giving the rest of us a chance to shore up our defenses against the undead.
Remember, folks, that despite the love of rednecks in zombie movies, it’s the effete urban dwellers that have some serious advantages. We can, after all, hole up in tall buildings that are incomprehensible to the zombie mind and drop stuff on zombie heads.