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Colbert warns of the dangers of ‘self-marriage’

By Andrew Jones
Wednesday, June 6, 2012 9:37 EDT
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Stephen Colbert on self-marriage. Screenshot via comedy Central.
 
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Stephen Colbert spent a few minutes Tuesday evening talking about the rise in self-marriage, where one person decides to marry him or herself.

Colbert brought up the topic based on a recent story of a North Dakota woman deciding to take the big jump with herself after she was tired of searching for Mr.Right.

“This comes as a serious blow to North Dakotans,” Colbert said. “You state finally gets a woman, and she decides to marry herself.”

The Comedy Central host then discussed the various complications that self-marriage would bring.

“Once self-marriage becomes the norm, imagine all the societal pressure,” he said. “Your friend will be like, ‘Hey, you’ve been together with yourself for 48 years and you’re still not engaged?’ What is he/you waiting for? And then you’ll have to go home and sit yourself down and ask, ‘Where’s this going?’”

“And you’d be like, ‘Could we please not talk about this now? I’m trying to watch Game of Thrones. Give me some space. We’re together 24/7, for Christ sake, you’re smothering me, I can’t even take a crap alone. Well, I’m not getting any younger. Not this again Do you even want to have kids? I’m not sure how that would work. Yes or not, it’s time to fish or cut bait. Fine, let’s get married!’”

WATCH: Video from Comedy Central, which was broadcast on June 5, 2012.

Andrew Jones
Andrew Jones
Andrew Jones is a staff writer/reporter for Raw Story. Besides covering politics, he is also a freelance sports journalist, as well as a slam poetry and music artist. You can follow him on Twitter @sluggahjells.
 
 
 
 
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