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Col. Sanders: I love gay people and we’re open on Sundays

By David Ferguson
Wednesday, August 1, 2012 16:07 EDT
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Col Sanders played by John Goodman
 
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In this clip from “Funny or Die,” Col. Sanders (as played by John Goodman) has a message for “the gays” who may be put off by the Chick-Fil-A chain’s millions of dollars of support each year to virulently anti-LGBT organizations and statements made by CEO Dan Cathy asserting that he runs his business according to “Biblical principles.”

“I figure I’m a bit more progressive than my pals down at Chick-fil-A,” said the Colonel, as nicely-dressed, angel-faced, fey young men set a table and lit candles behind him. “Let it be known that Col. Sanders loves The Gays! Hell, I might even be gay.”

“I know what you’re thinking as you’re lying there snuggling up to your bear,” he said, “How do I know you’re not just jibberin’ and jabberin’ to try and get more of my gay business?”

You don’t, he said. “But what you really need to know is that I love gay people, always. And we’re open on Sundays.”

“I prefer to see the world the way my hormone-loaded, antibiotically engineered chickens do, without gender. Or beaks. Or buttholes,” he said, mentioning that there will be a “table-dance mandate” at certain locations.

“Hell, I don’t actually give a shit,” Sanders said in a suddenly serious aside to the camera. “You’re all just a bunch of walking money-mouths, walkin’ around, talkin’ and eatin’. But if you have to pick one chicken chain, why not pick us? I know their service is better…but we’ve got those bowls.”

Watch the clip, embedded via Funny or Die, below:

David Ferguson
David Ferguson
David Ferguson is an editor at Raw Story. He was previously writer and radio producer in Athens, Georgia, hosting two shows for Georgia Public Broadcasting and blogging at Firedoglake.com and elsewhere. He is currently working on a book.
 
 
 
 
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