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Where’s The Beef? It’s All In This Woman’s Fridge

By Jesse Taylor
Wednesday, August 8, 2012 9:39 EDT
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RNC Chair Reince Priebus is deeply concerned about your grocery bill. Prices, you see, have gone up, and he is very, very sad about the whole thing. It’s unfair that a typical American grocery bill has gone up nearly fifteen percent since Barack Obama began seizing all of our goats and fields to feed his junta.

Let’s look at the terrible, awful ways in which Obama has increased your grocery bill, through the lens of his symbolic internet-abortion-receptacle, Julia. This is her grocery list. It includes:

Grapefruit

White Bread

Margarine

Ground Beef

33 – 80 oz. packages of White Sugar

All Uncooked Beef Steaks

All Uncooked Other Beef

Thompson Seedless Grapes

All Other Pork

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Sirloin Steak

Boneless Beef for Stew

Lean Ground Beef

Spaghetti and Macaroni

All Uncooked Ground Beef

Ground Chuck Beef

Potato Chips

Sliced Bacon

All Uncooked Beef Roasts

Oranges

Boneless Round Roast

Smoked Ham

Round Steak

Turkey

Chuck Roast

Boneless Chuck Roast

Red Apples

All Pork Chops

Ice Cream

Cheddar Cheese

Round Roast

Bone-In Chops

Whole Chicken

Boneless Chops

Boneless Ham

All Ham

Chicken Legs

Lemons

Cabbage

Dried Beans

Cherries

White Flour

To condense the list:

BEEF

PORK

Little bit of chicken

Other shit

I would like to be sensitive to Julia’s obvious and glaring issues here, but I’m imagining her sitting around her table at every meal, surrounded by eight pounds of beef, staring forlornly at the head of cabbage she put on the table as her eating companion, and going about eating her All Uncooked Ground Beef before she dives into her Ground Chuck, with a particular eye on her Chuck Roast and Boneless Chuck Roast, but not All Uncooked Beef Roasts, because that’s being saved for a special occasion.

I am glad that the RNC is concerned about people with crippling iron deficiencies, but it seems that judging President Obama by their standard is a bit unfair. Plus, where are the pizza rolls and Hot Pockets that make your $78 worth of beef, pork and chicken every week pop?

Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor
Jesse Taylor is an attorney and blogger from the great state of Ohio. He founded Pandagon in July, 2002, and has also served on the campaign and in the administration of former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland. He focuses on politics, race, law and pop culture, as well as the odd personal digression when the mood strikes.
 
 
 
 
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