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Time Traveling Journalism, Two Articles from 2014: Trickle Down Eatonomics & NRA Press Release

By John Shirley
Wednesday, August 29, 2012 7:47 EDT
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Mitt Romney in the hills by DonkeyHotey via Flickr
 
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Time travel news channeling? Yes. Don’t smirk, I did it. Here’s the inarguable proof:

February 10, 2014:

TRICKLE DOWN FEEDING

A 2014 Wall Street Journal  excerpt, in consequence of Mitt Romney’s election and the 2012 election triumph of Tea Partiers in Congress: “The White House is pleased to announce President Romney’s signature on the Free Market Minimum Wage Bill…The bill is a federal mandate lowering the  minimum wage to 75 cents per hour in fast-food franchises, 85 cents per hour in other franchises. The President pointed out that ‘minimum wage  in prison averages 25 cents an hour–this is three times that! It’s really quite generous.’

“Asked about the ten cent discrepancy between fast food franchises and  other chains, like Wal-Mart, the President explained that ‘There is actually a lot of free food in these fast food chains, like, you know, your Burger  Bell, or whatever. Employees will get a ten percent discount on their meals and, most important, they get what are called floor spillage rights. It’s a  wonderful free market innovation–employees wash their mouths out thoroughly with antiseptic, then lick the floors with their tongues. This cleans the floors and gives employees additional food from spillage. It’s estimated that  the spillage of grease and food particulates in these businesses averages a hundred calories per square foot…You can call it trickle-down feeding, if you want! It’s a win-win situation for the American worker.’”

 

May 13 2014:

A PRESS RELEASE FROM THE NRA:

“Guns. There are more out there than ever. We’re the reason–so we  should know. And we should know–we do know!–what to do about it. An excess of guns  can only be countered…by guns. We’ve saved America by seeing that America must purchase guns–to counter the guns that we’ve  channeled to gun fanatics, collectors, the mentally ill, and people with childish minds. There are no longer any options.

“Your only hope is to buy guns–to save your life…from guns. Our guns. Your guns. Their guns.
The National Rifle Association: preparing you for your future.

“…With guns.”

 

John Shirley is the author of numerous novels, story collections, screenplays (“THE CROW”), teleplays and articles. A futurologist and social critic, John was a featured speaker at TED-x in Brussels in 2011. His novels include Everything is Broken, The A SONG CALLED YOUTH cyberpunk trilogy (omnibus released in 2012), Bleak History, Demons, City Come A-Walkin’ and The Other End. His short story collection Black Butterflies won the Bram Stoker Award, and was chosen by Publisher’s Weekly as one of the best books of the year. His new story collection is In Extremis: The Most Extreme Short Stories of John Shirley. His stories have been included in three Year’s Best anthologies. He is also a songwriter (eg, for Blue Oyster Cult), and a singer. Black October records will soon be releasing a compilation of selected songs, BROKEN MIRROR GLASS: Recordings by John Shirley, 1978-2011. The authorized website is at john-shirley.com

John Shirley
John Shirley
John Shirley is the author of numerous novels, story collections, screenplays ("THE CROW"), teleplays and articles. A futurologist and social critic, John was a featured speaker at TED-x in Brussels in 2011. His novels include Everything is Broken, The A SONG CALLED YOUTH cyberpunk trilogy (omnibus released in 2012), Bleak History, Demons, City Come A-Walkin' and The Other End. His short story collection Black Butterflies won the Bram Stoker Award, and was chosen by Publisher's Weekly as one of the best books of the year. His new story collection is In Extremis: The Most Extreme Short Stories of John Shirley. His stories have been included in three Year's Best anthologies. He is also a songwriter (eg, for Blue Oyster Cult), and a singer. Black October records will soon be releasing a compilation of selected songs, BROKEN MIRROR GLASS: Recordings by John Shirley, 1978-2011. The authorized website is at john-shirley.com ...
 
 
 
 
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