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‘F*ck you, Ohio,’ for hogging presidential race

By David Edwards
Monday, October 22, 2012 12:41 EDT
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Satirist Andy Cobb has a message to the one state that seems to suck the most time and attention during presidential races: ‘Fuck you, Ohio.”

“Many things divide Americans, but we can unite behind a common enemy — a force making us irrational, weak and stupid,” Cobb says in a satirical Second City Network video published on Monday. “We must come together to destroy it before it destroys us. Fuck you, Ohio.”

“I lived in Ohio for years,” he explains. “It’s not all monsters, but mostly. And now they rule us all. Candidates have to win Ohio to be president so they are the only people who matter, as opposed to, say, you. And many of them, clearly, are fucking idiots.”

For example, Cobb notes that vying for Ohio means that candidates feel the need to promote “clean coal” technologies, “something the rest of the country knows is bullshit.”

“Ohio made them do that,” he observes. “Clean coal doesn’t exist. Coal is dirt. So, clean coal is like clean dog shit.”

“Democracy is over and they won,” Cobb adds. “I’m not saying we should build a wall around Ohio and burn the whole thing to the ground with everyone in it. We have to let the Ohioans out first so they can help rebuild what’s left of civilization after Ohio is done with it.”

“The rest of us are taking it right in the buckeye.”

A Quinnipiac University/CBS News poll released on Monday indicated that President Barack Obama was holding on to a slim 5 point lead over Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney in Ohio. No GOP candidate has ever won the presidency without also winning the “Buckeye State.”

Watch this video from The Second City Network, broadcast Oct. 22, 2012.

David Edwards
David Edwards
David Edwards has served as an editor at Raw Story since 2006. His work can also be found at Crooks & Liars, and he's also been published at The BRAD BLOG. He came to Raw Story after working as a network manager for the state of North Carolina and as as engineer developing enterprise resource planning software. Follow him on Twitter at @DavidEdwards.
 
 
 
 
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