Bill Maher began his Nov. 2 show — the last before the presidential race ends — by noting that Mitt Romney only had enough time for “five more reincarnations” before the election.
“By Tuesday, he’ll be insisting he’s always a staunchly pro-gay Unitarian who hates corporations, is proud of his Latino heritage, and doesn’t want old white men telling him what he can do with his vagina,” Maher said.
The host then went on to recap the race, which, according to Maher, actually began in 2010 when the Citizens United Supreme court decision “voided all elections laws except ‘money talks.’ ”
In 2011, the search began for the right candidate, which included a slate of “fourth string freaks creeps and twists that made an orgy at John Waters house look like the Avengers.”
“But when future historians ask, Mitt Romney?,” they should check out the competition, Maher said.
“But at the end of the day, the Tea Party had spoken, they were against the health care mandate, against Wall Street fat cats, and against establishment insiders. So they nominated Mitt Romney, who tried to placate them at the Republican convention in Tampa with his vice presidential choice of Paul Ryan, the Ayn Rand enthusiast who bragged that he’d replaced the cheetah as the world’s fastest land mammal,” Maher quipped.
He also mentioned Clint Eastwood, who “debated Medicare with a barstool.”
Maher then noted the Democratic convention, which left attendees chanting “four more years!”
“Of course, it was for Bill Clinton, but still.”
While the 47 percent video was a boon for Democrats, he said, Republicans won a victory when Obama “boycotted the first debate.”
Maher said that if the moderate Mitt Romney from that debate had appeared during the primary battles, he would have been eaten alive behind his podium with nothing left behind “but a clump of magic underwear and black hair dye.”
Maher said that, for himself, the election was a win-win situation: “if it’s Obama, America wins. If it’s Romney, comedy wins.”
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