The thought of having to deal with four more years of presidential prognostication drew a spit and a sneer from Stephen Colbert Tuesday night.
“Fuck you!” he raged after seeing a CNN clip already forecasting contenders for the 2016 electoral race. “I have had it! I’m a human being, goddamn it! I have rights! Can’t we just move on to some other aspect of our lives? Not everything is a constant contest for political advantage! America’s facing some serious problems! There are times to run and then there are times to govern. We need to come together. Let it go, move on! God!”
But after seeing some early numbers placing Secretary of State Hilary Rodham Clinton and Mike Huckabee as their respective party front-runners, Colbert caught the fever for the far-flung future.
“Why stop at 2016? I need to know the early favorites for 2020,” he said. “How is Chelsea Clinton stacking up against Tagg Romney? Or more importantly, will Tagg be able to ward off a last-ditch challenge from Mitt Romney?”
But in an effort to get even further ahead of the curve, Colbert kicked off his coverage of the 2072 elections, which he foresaw pitting a cybernetically-enhanced Dick Cheney against a swarm of sentient nano-hornets.
“Those hornets are gonna be tough to beat, folks,” he advised. “I hear this weekend, they are swarming an Iowa pancake breakfast.”
Colbert’s look at the “Race for the White Orb,” aired Tuesday on Comedy Central, can be seen below.