Charlotte Allen Demands Matriarchy

By Amanda Marcotte
Thursday, December 20, 2012 10:05 EDT
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So everyone is mad at Charlotte Allen for writing a piece for National Review Online where she blames the “feminized” nature of schools for the shooting, as opposed to the angry dude who had a bunch of super-deadly but legal weapons. But hey, I think that this article might actually represent a departure for Allen, who previously has devoted herself solely to saying the misogynist things that her right wing male audience wants to say but is afraid will damage their already weak sexual prospects. Sure, her piece reads like the same old “women are crap” drivel she’s always written, but if you read between the lines, something else appears to be going on:

There was not a single adult male on the school premises when the shooting occurred. In this school of 450 students, a sizeable number of whom were undoubtedly 11- and 12-year-old boys (it was a K–6 school), all the personnel — the teachers, the principal, the assistant principal, the school psychologist, the “reading specialist” — were female. There didn’t even seem to be a male janitor to heave his bucket at Adam Lanza’s knees. Women and small children are sitting ducks for mass-murderers. The principal, Dawn Hochsprung, seemed to have performed bravely. According to reports, she activated the school’s public-address system and also lunged at Lanza, before he shot her to death. Some of the teachers managed to save all or some of their charges by rushing them into closets or bathrooms. But in general, a feminized setting is a setting in which helpless passivity is the norm.

So the problem is that teachers and other caregiving professions are overly populated by women. Got it. So, there’s only one solution to this problem: Role reversal. Men should now take on the jobs of nurses, teachers, day care workers, and definitely airline stewards. Men, after all, have bodies that deflect bullets and superstrength to protect the juicy targets of the madmen with guns that we’re obligated to accept as an inevitability. In order to free men up for these jobs, I guess women will have to take jobs as doctors (actually, they’re already doing that!), corporate executives, and politicians: Jobs that don’t require you to be on the front lines when crazed gunmen attack vulnerable charges that will now be cared for by men.

Well folks, patriarchy was nice while it lasted,* but the price of shifting women into caregiving positions while letting men control the reins of power is simply too high. It means that the people who need the protection of caregivers are left vulnerable to madmen with assault weapons, instead of under the protection of those who have bulletproof powers granted by the Y chromosome. The only clear solution here is matriarchy. I’m sure gun lovers, given this new choice between their interpretation of the Second Amendment and the termination of male power and privilege, will choose the former. After all, they swear up and down their love of guns has nothing to do with a cult of masculinity, which means they’ll be eager to accept this new female-led world where men spend their days wiping asses and leading kindergartners in song. So let’s get busy and get this done before the next asshole with a gun decides to shoot up a classroom.


Amanda Marcotte
Amanda Marcotte
Amanda Marcotte is a freelance journalist born and bred in Texas, but now living in the writer reserve of Brooklyn. She focuses on feminism, national politics, and pop culture, with the order shifting depending on her mood and the state of the nation.
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