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‘Empire’ strikes back at White House over petition

By Arturo Garcia
Tuesday, January 15, 2013 14:57 EDT
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A Death Star embossed with the Obama logo. Photo: Flickr user Meng Bomin, creative commons licensed.
 
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Claiming “overwhelming military superiority,” the “Galactic Empire” from the Star Wars film series answered the White House’s decision not to begin construction of its own galactic fortress in a statement on the franchise’s official website on Tuesday.

“It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,” the statement quoted Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin as saying. “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”

The Obama administration formally rejected the petition to build a “Death Star” on Jan. 12, saying that, though it supported the idea of creating more jobs by pursuing the project — perhaps through using independent contractors — both the estimated $850,000,000,000,000,000 construction costs and the prospective uses made it undesirable.

“The Administration does not support blowing up planets,” said Paul Shawcross, head of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget. “Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?”

The Imperial release rejected Shawcross’ explanation, instead accusing the administration of “obvious cowardice.”

Emperor Palpatine, last seen hurtling down a reactor shaft, could not be reached for comment.

Arturo Garcia
Arturo Garcia
Arturo R. García is the managing editor at Racialicious.com. He is based in San Diego, California and has written for both print and broadcast media, including contributions to GlobalComment.com, The Root and Comment Is Free. Follow him on Twitter at @ABoyNamedArt
 
 
 
 
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