For once, Stephen Colbert said, he had to hand it to “our radical Marxist homo-fascist secret Kenyan tragedy of a joke of a so-called president,” applauding President Barack Obama’s administration for electing to close the office formerly tasked with closing the Guantanamo Bay prison.
“We did it!” Colbert said in celebration. “Finally, America can move beyond the sad chapter of trying to close down our gulag by the sea.”
Colbert applauded the White House for accepting that prisoners at the facility will be there until they die, and urged Americans to do the same.
“It is time we embrace this prison as just part of our country,” he said. “And not as a place for permanently imprisoning people without charges in a Kafka-esque labyrinth of human despair, but more as a terrorist retirement community.”
Colbert even picked out a friendlier name for the prison: Jihadi Meadows.
“After all, much like our seniors, [prisoners] wear brightly colored jumpsuits, often on a liquid diet, and we try our best not to think about them,” he explained.
Meanwhile, the facility’s former envoy, Daniel Fried, will be reassigned by the U.S. State Department, with no plans to fill the position. Fried will now work on issues concerning Iran and Syria, a move Colbert did knock as cronyism.
“The guy fails at one job, so they give him the cushy post of solving the Middle East,” he said.
Watch Colbert address a possible future for Guantanamo, aired Tuesday on Comedy Central, below.