‘Dark Knight’ can’t hold his liquor in new Bat-spoof

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Gotham’s “Dark Knight” has a rough night, and makes his ally Lucius Fox hear all about it in a new online short created by Andrew Hamm and Nathan Macintosh.

“Bat Problems” traces Batman’s escalating levels of despair — and alcohol consumption — through a series of voice messages left to Fox, starting with a run-in with Catwoman.

“I got a rock-hard erection,” Batman (voiced by Macintosh) complains. “I had to lay down for 20 minutes until it went away. I’m gonna need more room in the crotch. Rubber doesn’t give.”

After kvetching about his suit’s neck being too tight (“I’m working at 60 percent oxygen”), the Bat starts to get battier.

“I’m booored,” the next message goes. “I really only talk to three people, and two of them are my dead parents. I’m coming over. We’re going out for shakes!”

Finally, a drunken “B-Man” calls, having discovered yet another problem with his suit.

“When you piss yourself at the bar, everybody notices,” he slurs. “For Christ’s sake, my parents are dead. Do you know that? Do you know that? You can’t answer your phone, huh? Where’s Alfred? What’s he doing with my money?”

The only clue as to his whereabouts is a horn playing in the background in the final call, pointing to Batman finally taking “one goddamn night off” and taking in a Gotham Blades hockey game, a presumably safe bet, given what happened to the Gotham Rogues, thanks to Bane.

“They scored! Not that you would know, Lucius, or my parents,” he slurs before breaking a bottle.

Listen to Batman progressively lose his cool in “Bat Problems,” posted online on Sunday, below.

Bat Messages from PigApple on Vimeo.

[Image via Shutterstock]