Instead of his usual opening, Stephen Colbert opened Tuesday’s episode of The Colbert Report with a monologue supporting the city of Boston following Monday’s bombing attack at the Boston Marathon.
“But whoever did this, obviously they did not know shit about the people of Boston,” Colbert said. “‘Cause nothing these terrorists do is gonna shake them. For Pete’s sake, Boston was founded by the pilgrims — a people so tough, they had to buckle their goddamn hats on.”
Besides being the cradle of the American Revolution, Colbert said, the city withstood “an 86-year losing streak” in baseball, and the 16-year traffic nightmare known as the Big Dig.
“I mean, there are commuters just getting home now,” he said.
But what showed the culprits’ real lack of understanding, Colbert said, was attaking the marathon in the first place, explaining that the event, founded in 1897, celebrates “people who run 26 miles on their day off until their nipples are raw for fun,” and many of them kept running after the attack — to donate blood to the victims.
“Here’s what I know,” Colbert said in conclusion. “These maniacs tried to make life bad for the people of Boston. But all they can ever do is show just how good those people are.”
Watch Colbert’s tribute to Boston, aired Tuesday on Comedy Central, below.