Stephen Colbert returned to the Colbert Report desk Monday night “pumped as a 12-gauge” about a breakthrough in modern weaponry: a rifle that not only tracks your target for you, but helps you post the kill on your Facebook page.
“Now you’ll be able to continue to track your prey, even if it leaves the Starbucks,” he said. “And, that internet connectivitity finally fulfills the true promise of the Second Amendment: letting your gun make Facebook friends.”
At around $22,000, the TrackingPoint rifle is on the pricy side, but the weapon’s built-in wifi and other capabilities, Colbert said, made it worth it.
“Now you can post a picture of you making a ‘duckface’ while your gun posts a picture of you blowing off a duck’s face,” he marveled.
The rifle is also billed as being able to account for wind speed, temperature and pressure with an on-board computer, illustrated by a promotional video showing an almost smart-bomb like view of TrackingPoint in action.
“It’s like you’re a fighter pilot taking out Osama bin Antelope,” he gushed.
Colbert also noted that, if the firearm’s user forgot their password, the rifle went back to being a regular rifle.
“Do not forget your password,” he warned. “Or, you’ll only be able to kill stuff you can actually see.”
Besides being slightly more expensive than paying for a hitman to take out a gazzelle, though, Colbert did have one beef with TrackingPoint’s premise: you had to actually go outside to use it.
“That’s more effort than I like to give my outdoor activities,” he explained, calling on the manufacturers to make “a precision-guided firearm that can precision-guide itself to where the animals are. Leave me out of it.”
His solution? A rifle attached to a Roomba.
“A ‘Boomba,’ if you will,” Colbert said.
Watch Colbert take aim at the TrackingPoint rifle, aired Monday on Comedy Central, below.