Current TV host John Fugelsang mockingly congratulated Republicans on Monday for mocking former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as being too old to run for the presidency in 2016.
“Hillary Clinton will be 69 [by then], but she’ll be running against your 90-year-old Herbert Hoover economic policies,” Fugelsang said. “So remind us how decrepid and incapable 70-year-olds are.”
The GOP’s plan to undermine a potential Clinton candidacy came to light after the New York Times reported on remarks like Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell referring to Clinton and Vice President Joe Biden’s contituting “a rerun of The Golden Girls” if they enter the race.
“That’s a brilliant strategy, and should only backfire with voters who like their own moms,” Fugelsang said. “GOP – party of youth! Like 69-year-old presidential nominee Ronald ‘Pop Rocks and Zima’ Reagan, 73-year-old nominee and Tiger Beat cover boy Bob Dole and 71-year-old nominee John ‘Look Ma, I’m planking!’ McCain.”
With that in mind, Fugelsang encouraged the GOP to mock Clinton’s outdated ideology while championing “fresh, sparkly new ideas the kids love,” like trickle-down tax cuts, privatizing Medicare (“that’s trendier than doing the Harlem Shake on bath salts”) and banning marriage equality and abortion.
“How about being a whore for the gun lobby?” he continued. “That’s all the ‘Beliebers’ talk about on Instagram. That and discriminatory voter ID laws.”
The Times tried to get a comment from “sexy young gun” Henry Kissinger, Fugelsang mused, but the former National Security Advisor was “too busy in his crypt, drinking his steady diet of Cambodian orphan blood.”
Fugelsang also noted that he would rather vote for Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) over Clinton, and also chided progressive for making disparaging remarks about McCain’s presidential campaign in 2008.
“That guy has more energy than most 35-year-olds I know, and it wasn’t very progressive to knock him,” Fugelsang explained. “Then he picked Lady Blah-Blah [Sarah Palin] as his running mate and I was terrified of how old he was.”
Even if she ran at the age of 79, Fugelsang charged, Clinton would still be younger than Republican economic policy.
“So go ageist, GOP,” he encouraged conservatives. “It’s never sexist when you do that to women in this country. And it’ll help get women voters in much the same way Mitt Romney talking about ‘self-deportation’ made Latino voters call him ‘Ese.’”
Watch Fugelsang’s sardonic cheer for Republicans, aired Monday on Current TV, below.