Arch-conservative host of “The Colbert Report” Stephen Colbert took news of the government shutdown in his usual low key, couldn’t-be-bothered fashion.
Actually, that isn’t true at all. Colbert celebrated the fact that 94 percent of EPA workers are off duty during the shutdown by pouring an old can of paint into the ocean by way of a storm drain and saying, “Sorry, dolphins! You had a good run!”
He then donned a fur mantle and took up a skull-topped stick and declared that he is “fully prepared to fill the power vacuum” left behind by the nation’s leaders decision to abandon their posts as “Ur-Lord of the Afterscape!”
“Bow before me!” he bellowed. “Bring me tributes of sheep and unsoiled daughters!”
“I will seize all government functions,” he said. “Who needs the FDA? Just send me your drugs, I will test them for you.”
Setting aside the skull-topped stick, he produced a packet of birth control pills.
“For instance, these right here belong to Brenda, my stage manager,” he explained, taking two of them and chewing at them happily. “I will let her know in 14 days if I ovulate.”
Watch the video, embedded below via Comedy Central: