Returning from obscurity after having brought less to a presidential ticket since Joe Lieberman sandbagged his own national run, blue-eyed sociopath and former Oscar Meyer weinermobile chauffeur Paul Ryan is attempting to rise out of the ash and flame of the Republican party like a phoenix who wants to smother your grandmother in her bed. Preceding today’s call from the guys who, when they man-adjust themselves they chuck Paul under the chin, want to stop this ACA tomfoolery, Ryan puts on his sincere face and dusts off his rejected plan for starve America via the pages of the Wall Street Journal:
If Mr. Obama decides to talk, he’ll find that we actually agree on some things. For example, most of us agree that gradual, structural reforms are better than sudden, arbitrary cuts. For my Democratic colleagues, the discretionary spending levels in the Budget Control Act are a major concern. And the truth is, there’s a better way to cut spending. We could provide relief from the discretionary spending levels in the Budget Control Act in exchange for structural reforms to entitlement programs.
These reforms are vital. Over the next 10 years, the Congressional Budget Office predicts discretionary spending—that is, everything except entitlement programs and debt payments—will grow by $202 billion, or roughly 17%. Meanwhile, mandatory spending—which mostly consists of funding for Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security—will grow by $1.6 trillion, or roughly 79%. The 2011 Budget Control Act largely ignored entitlement spending. But that is the nation’s biggest challenge.
You may remember all of this from before when Ryan called it the Path To Prosperity or possibly you played the EA Sports videogame version: Galtscape – Ayn Rand’s Survival Of The Fattest. You may also remember that America rejected Ryan’s innumerate plan and the Rafalca it danced in on. But now times have changed with a faction of Ryan’s own House having shifted into Bachmann-Gohmert Overdrive and are threatening to burn the whole country down in order to save it at the behest of the Tea Partiers who figure they have enough bullets, bibles, and cans of Vienna sausages to ride out the Fiscal End Times when either Jesus or Sarah Palin returns. So Paul Ryan felt the need to step into the breach and use his “moderate” K St cred to go “Whoa, whoa, whoa there folks. Sure we want to destroy the safety net, deny people medical care, allow children to go hungry in the streets, and turn our country into a crumbling riot-torn post-apocalytic hellscape that will make Somalia look like the Hamptons, but let’s not take down the T-bill market in our haste. I mean, c’mon.”
Because moderation to the Paul Ryans of the world means methodically burning down one house at a time. And definitely not the nicer ones…