Stephen Colbert returned from a two-week vacation he spent “yelling obscenities at park rangers” and immediately congratulated the government for ending the shutdown.
“The big story while I was gone,” he said, “was the end of the government shutdown. Now Congress can get back to the important work of government gridlock.”
The shutdown, he noted, “cost the economy $24 billion and caused China to lower our credit rating to an ‘A-.’ Or, as Chinese parents call it, an ‘F.’”
“This whole crisis was so dramatic,” he continued, “that it lead some to ask, ‘Is the United States a failed state?’ That is a headline from — Zimbabwe. That’s like Ted Cruz asking, ‘Have you really thought your strategy through?’”
“Speaking of which, Mr. Ted Cruz knows which side won.” After showing a clip of Sen. Cruz declaring the shutdown “a remarkable victory,” Colbert noted that, “as with all remarkable victories, we’ve got to figure out who to blame.”
He then showed a montage of Fox News’s resident psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow diagnosing President Obama with abandonment issues.
Scott Eric Kaufman is the proprietor of the AV Club's Internet Film School and, in addition to Raw Story, also writes for Lawyers, Guns & Money. He earned a Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of California, Irvine in 2008.
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