Last night, Saturday Night Live presented a “special announcement” from the Secretary of Health and Human Services, Kathleen Sebelius (Kate McKinnon).
“A lot of folks have been talking about our new healthcare enrollment website,” she began. “How it’s been crashing and freezing, shutting down and stalling and not working, breaking and sucking.”
She then provided a “number of helpful tips for solving these problems.” “For example,” she said, “Have you tried restarting your computer? Sometimes it helps to turn the computer ‘off,’ then turn it back ‘on.’”
“If our website isn’t loading properly, it’s probably just overloaded with traffic,” she said. “Millions of Americans are visiting Healthcare.gov, which is great news. Unfortunately, it was only designed to handle six users at a time.”
“If you’re in a rush,” she suggested, “try using our ‘low-res’ website, with bigger fonts and simpler graphics.” She pulled up a Web 1.0 page titled “U WANT DOCTOR?” which featured giant “YES” and “NO” buttons with crudely rendered flames shooting out of them.
“If the regular site isn’t working,” she continued, “try signing up in a different language, like Icelandic. If our site keeps freezing, we’ve also provided links to helpful websites like Kayak.com, where you can buy airline tickets to Canada and buy cheaper prescription drugs.”
Scott Eric Kaufman is the proprietor of the AV Club's Internet Film School and, in addition to Raw Story, also writes for Lawyers, Guns & Money. He earned a Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of California, Irvine in 2008.
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