Jon Stewart tees off on CNBC and Fox financial analysts: ‘F*ck all y’all’ for fretting over JPMorgan
Jon Stewart turned his attention to the financial arena on The Daily Show on Wednesday, mocking CNBC and Fox Business Network analysts for rushing to defend JPMorgan Chase years after lauding the purchases that put him under federal investigation to begin with.
To prove his point, Stewart played footage of CNBC host Jim Cramer saying at the time that Dimon’s deal to buy Bear Stearns and Washington Mutual was a steal, when he later turned around and accused the White House of forcing him to eat the “sh*t sandwich.”
“F*ck all y’all,” Stewart said coldly.
But now, he noted, the two networks are fretting about JPMorgan having to pay a $13 billion fine for allegedly misleading customers about the quality of its mortgage-based securities during the period leading up to the 2008 financial crash, despite Dimon setting aside a $28 billion “rainy day fund” to deal with potential lawsuits.
“Guess what? It’s raining, motherf*cker,” Stewart said. “So it looks to me like this government settlement’s $15 billion less than what Dimon thought it might be.”
However, instead of accounting for the company’s financial misdeeds, Stewart observed, analysts for the two networks quickly used words like “shakedown” and “jihad” for what they described as an arbitrary punishment from federal officials that was tax-deductible, to boot, and promoting the editorial page of Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal as legitimate news instead of actual reporting by the likes of the New York Times.
“What I saw as a mutually negotiated compensatory agreement for outstanding liabilities related to some shady business dealings, you see as a shakedown witch hunt scalping jihad,” Stewart argued. “I say ‘Tomato,’ and you say, ‘It’s like if the Holocaust had sex with slavery while the last 10 minutes of Human Centipede watched.’”
Watch Stewart’s take on TV business pundit’s hypocrisy, posted online by Comedy Central: