Erick Erick Erick Erickson’s Fire & Brimstone Jesus Jamboree Channel Changing Pep Talk

By TBogg
Thursday, December 19, 2013 14:58 EDT
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Erick Erickson by Gage Skidmore via Flickr
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Most Holy Reverend  Bishop Parson Erick An Infinite Number Of Ericks Erickson, who was personally put on Earth by Jesus to call retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter a “goat fucking child molester“, last night realized that his work (and His work) on Earth is not done and so he took to the pulpit in his garage (a Black & Decker WorkMate Portable Project Center w/ Vise)  to warn America that God will not be mocked by the A&E network for their high-tech crucifying of the First Amendment rights of Biblical Patriarch and Duck Nemesis Phil Robertson.

Preach, bro:

I have told you people again and again. You will be made to care.

Evil preaches tolerance until it is dominant and then it seeks to silence good. Phil Robertson, patriarch of the Duck Dynasty clan, honestly answered questions during an GQ interview. He spoke openly of his Christian faith. Because he offended a secular left at war with orthodox Christianity, he must be punished.

A&E and Phil Robertson both chose to put their respective faiths ahead of profits.

Why do they hate capitalism which is a better religion than Christianity because, you ever try and buy a flat screen with a parable instead of money? Guys at Best Buy don’t play that game.

What we should not shy away from is that Phil Robertson articulated very Biblical doctrine. He referenced scripture. Homosexual acts are, in fact, sinful according to the Bible. And as society begins to openly tolerate as normal things that really are not normal behaviors, society tends to start loosening up across the board as it descends down a slippery slope.

Because America is all loosened up and slippery we should probably talk about which part of the Bible that Robertson was referencing, by which I mean the buttsex part:

“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

I believe that is from the Book of Orifices (3:12) and those are the exact words that Jesus used when he spaketh from atop the Mount of Venus and He actually intended it as a compliment to the ladies for finally having it all no matter what Ann-Marie Slaughter says.
Pastor Erick adds:
A & E has now joined much of mass market culture in the Western World in picking sides in a fight — tolerance for gay rights, but not for Christians expressing honest answers to questions asked of their faith. The only surprise is that the Christians of Duck Dynasty could last there as long as they did. A&E has as much right to do this as you have to turn the channel. But they have clearly aligned themselves against us in the culture wars.

Ooo. Ooo! I know this one. It’s Matthew (5:39):

But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to the other channel. Like Spike TV, maybe 100o Ways To Die, although I only know one. Amirite? But seriously folks, what’s up with airline food…

But, as Jesus would say,  seriously folks….

The world is at war with Christ and those who put their faith in Christ. The silver lining of this act is that many Christians who decided they could sit on the sidelines and not have to care will have a wake up call — particularly millennial Christians.

The Church, however, must show it will stand with those who stand with Christ and not shy away from this fight lest too many weak and new Christians go wobbly and silent.

You will be made to care. You will not be given the option of silence or the sidelines.

So on your feet or on your knees, Christians and not the face-sodomy on-your-knees one because there is probably something in the Book of Orifices about that too and it’s probably not something you want to hear.

At least from Erick Erickson who is a real bonerkiller…

[image of Erick Erickson via Gage Skidmore's Flickr photostream, Creative Commons licensed]

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