Hillary Clinton to be defeated by super hybrid human-centipede GOP candidate in 2016

By TBogg
Friday, January 10, 2014 15:53 EDT
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Washington Post historical-romance-fantasy writer Jennifer Rubin recently made a pit stop in Colorado where she picked up some high-potency Pakistani Brainwreck Super Kush and she  has spent the past few days getting bent and looking at the upcoming 2016 Presidential election (have you ever looked at the 2016 Presidential election. I mean, really really looked at it?). Having stepped through the doors of the perception,  and after convincing smoking bud Charles Krauthammer that Bender could totally kick Spongebob Squarepant’s square-ass in a fair fight, she came to the realization that Hillary Clinton would be toast if you thought of all of the  potential GOP nominees as the Avengers and then you sewed them all together ass to mouth into this complementary-skilled ass-to-mouth Hillary killing machine. This would totally work! Swear to God!

Preach, Jen:

Hillary Clinton may have a Mitt Romney problem.

As the stonerhopheaddruggyTreyRadeltweakers say: Whoa! Dude! For reals? That’s messed up.

Prior to the 2012 election , when she was still Mitt’s online old lady/baby mama, Jennifer Rubin thought Romney was like Mary Poppins, “practically perfect in every way”,  but now she’s saying he had problems?  I mean, sure, I know that Rubin dropped Mitt prior to the election like he was a Gingrich wife who’d just  discovered a lump, but damn girl, drugs  and a brief stay in county have changed you. Tres harsh, amiga. But let’s get back to Rubin’s story before she gets back from Sonic and goes “Oh man. I was soooo high when I wrote that. Also, I have a new tattoo on my ass and it’s a Japanese ideogram that I think means ‘big wheat’. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? Here’s your waffle fries, Chuck . You owe me eighteen cents.”

The woman who thinks politics, like love, is about never having to say you’re sorry and who collects scandals like little old ladies accumulate cats will find it dicey to go after Gov. Chris Christie on the bridge scandal. The woman who went after the White House travel office, who opposed the surge to get the 2008 nomination and who ran a brutal campaign against Barack Obama in 2008 will be hard-pressed to call Christie a “bully.”

This is true. Watch Hillary go all Mean Girl Bully Bitch on Christopher Smith from the state where Chris Christie shuts down The Bridges of Mad At Some People:

So mean.

Rubin goes on to explain that the former Secretary of State’s experience can’t hold a candle to Marco Rubio’s foreign policy  speeches, Hillary can’t put away her antisocial tendencies like that nice young grandma-smotherer Paul Ryan, lacks the obsequiousness of Koch brothers cabana boy Scott Walker, nor does she radiate the warmth and boyish charm of a Rand Paul.

Getting back to Romney, who disappointed Rubinin so many ways, she adds:

Romney felt constrained in going after the president on Obamacare and was personally unable to capture the lower- and middle-class voters most hurt by Obama’s policies. Likewise, Clinton’s life experience and persona make her less able to go up against a big personality, such as Christie, an accomplishment-light Rubio, deal-maker Ryan, outsider Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, man-of-the-people Texas Gov. Rick Perry or even an easily piqued senator.

Yup. So looks like it will take a nation of millions of GOP candidates to hold Hillary back.

They’re gonna need a bigger ticket….

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