Stephen Colbert: ‘Naughty’ Wall Street wants to be ‘spanked’ by ‘Invisible Hand’ of the market

By Scott Kaufman
Friday, January 17, 2014 8:36 EDT
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Stephen Colbert 062413 [Comedy Central]
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In the latest segment of Stephen Colbert’s exclusive “Colbert Platinum Club” for wealthy viewers, the late-night host implored his wealthy viewers to purchase $50,000 diamond pacifiers.

“Finally,” he said, “a product that combines two things I love: quiet babies and exploiting the Congo.”

He then discussed the “froufrah brewing over income inequality.” “We rich,” he said, “are doing the best we can to trickle our money down. There are only so many $50,000 diamond encrusted pacifiers you can buy before you start looking like an a**hole.”

“Thankfully,” he continued, “one well-heeled horn-dog may have found a solution by bidding $42,000 for a one-hour, private web-cam show with a dominatrix named Maitresse Madeline.”

The dominatrix’s website belongs to “a sexual subculture called ‘findom,’” which “stands for ‘financial domination, a fetish in which someone is sexually aroused by the thought of sending someone else money and gifts, expecting no sexual favors in return.”

“Nothing in return for money! It breaks all the rules of capitalism! It’s so naughty, you deserve to get spanked by the Invisible Hand of the market.”

“The ‘findom’ community even has its own lingo,” Colbert concluded, “where gifts and money are known as ‘tributes’ and the men who send them are referred to as ‘pay pigs.’”

“So good news, Occupy Wall Street: those names you yelled in rage were heard by the rich. The bad news? It gave them a boner.”

Watch the entire segment from Colbert Nation below.

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Scott Kaufman
Scott Kaufman
Scott Eric Kaufman is the proprietor of the AV Club's Internet Film School and, in addition to Raw Story, also writes for Lawyers, Guns & Money. He earned a Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of California, Irvine in 2008.
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