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Michelle Malkin will crush her enemies with sick burn hashtags and killer sneers

By TBogg
Sunday, February 9, 2014 18:42 EDT
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Malkin on Fox and Friends 3/22/2012
 
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We come now to praise Michelle Malkin, not bury her.

According to takes-self-seriously news site Politico, the perky gravity-challenged bile repository will be devoting herself to disrupting the Republican party’s flow in the upcoming election by promoting an Akin here, an O’Donnell there, everywhere a Joe Miller. We find this to be an admirable pursuit by Michelle Malkin that should be applauded and encouraged and kudoed™, which is a word we just made up.

Following a year in which Michelle made bank by selling Twitchy, her dating site catering to the under-served Lowest Common Denominator-American demographic, she will turn her efforts to taking on the Republican party by ‘subverting the dominant paradigm’ or, as it is known in Malkinland: ‘throwing red meat to the yahoos for fun and profit, but mostly profit.’

Twitter is Malkin’s weapon of choice. Battles with her almost always devolve into wars, and those who follow the conservative social media scene know she has a proven formula online: Taunting quips from foes bring out the full force of her Twitter arsenal, with snappy replies, catchy hashtags and the mobilization of a legion of energized followers.

Before we get waist-deep in the big toxic, we need to point out a glaring error in Politico’s lede:

Michelle Malkin doesn’t run away from fights, she runs toward them.

This is demonstrably untrue:

She may not be able to jump, but she sure walks fast when the spirit, or Max Blumenthal, moves her.

In the Politico interview, Malkin promotes her backing of Katrina Pierson of Texas, who is running against nine-term Rep. Pete Sessions, who also happens to be the chairman of the powerful House Rules Committee, .

“Her race is just one of many that I have my eye on where this is the narrative, where you’ve got these tea party candidates challenging old incumbents,” Malkin said. “And you’re going to have [Karl] Rove throwing all of his money and American Crossroads throwing all of that money, plus the Chamber of Commerce, plus these ‘Main Street Republican’ partnership types who are funded by who? Big labor. And the tea party candidates, I think, are going to follow in the path of Ted Cruz and somehow be able to triumph over all of that money.”

How much money, exactly?

This much:

His [Sessions] district, Texas’s 32nd, isn’t favorable turf for a Tea Party uprising. It includes most of well-to-do North Dallas, including George W. Bush’s mansion in the affluent enclave of Preston Hollow. Further, the incumbent has far outraised his opponent. Sessions had $1.3 million cash on hand, as of the most recent Federal Election Commission (FEC) reporting deadline, while Pierson had raised only had $33,000 (although she told the Dallas Morning News that she expects to raise $70,000 by the time of her next report. While Pierson does have some outside supporters, including the conservative group Freedom Works, commentator Michelle Malkin, and Rafael Cruz, the father of Sen. Ted Cruz, that likely won’t be enough to overcome Sessions.

With a cash disparity that ginormous, Malkin will have to reach deep into her bag of flying monkeys to make up the difference, so: ‘Unleash the Malkin-Kraken!’:

A Twitter member since 2008, with more than 660,000 followers, Malkin thrives in what she dubs a “battle space.”

Ask Donald Trump. After the real estate mogul blasted her on Twitter last year as a “dummy,” Malkin swung back by creating and promoting the hashtag “#donaldtrumpisaphony.”

…and the body of Donald Trump was never discovered. #deathbyhashtag #AmericaWept #tcot #lol

All of this is wonderful, of course. Malkin and her followers will promote their nutbar candidates, forcing Republicans to spend waste money on the primaries in order to ward off the tea party ankle-biters who will be going medieval on their RINO asses. In the odd case where the Malkinites bump off the incumbent, they will either hand the seat over to a Democrat (see Hoffman, Doug) or their candidate might actually win the general election and provide America with  another Ted Cruz or Mike Lee, which has worked out so well for them.

So, good luck and godspeed, Michelle Malkin!  Remember that we are here to cheer you on in your latest endeavors just like you have cheered us on, lo these many years:

Right. Like you didn’t see that coming…

 
 
 
 
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