The long dark tea-time of the soul and lonely days and lonely nights of Ted Nugent

By TBogg
Thursday, February 20, 2014 21:34 EDT
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Ted Nugent on WCSX
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Poor Ted Nugent is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, wango tango, cat scratch fever kind of a week.

A member of the brain trust that is running Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott’s gubernatorial campaign thought it would be a cool beans idea to invite the former Damn Yankees gee-tar picker to campaign for the governor because, obviously, Abbott needed to shore up his rightward flank lest the if-it-moves-shoot-it, if-it’s-young-hump-it, racist, homophobic, mens rights lunatic base suddenly go wobbly at the first glance of Wendy Davis’ pink shoes.

Presumably, for Nugent, there were no new gun shop ribbon cuttings or swap meet Legends of Rock appearances scheduled  this week, so what the hell. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Like, everything.

The  Abbott campaign has been spent this not-over-yet week  fending off questions about the Nuge’s hankering for the young ladies and his regurgitation of hip-hop happenin’ Nazi punchlines, and not whatever the hell Abbott is running on, We assume getting ‘gubmint’ out of peoples lives and back into ‘wimmen-folks’ uteruses where it belongs. Also, probably something about the Alamo.

Boss move, you guys. Someone deserves a raise and a yee-haw.

Now we’ve got Wendy Davis fund-raising on Ted Nugent’s camo-clad back, reminding women that he likes to refer to women in office as “varmints,” “fat pigs” and “dirty whores.”

You’ve got Ted, his own bad self, faking illness and running away from Erin Burnett  (“Burnett revealed that Nugent had canceled the interview two hours before it was scheduled to air, citing illness.”)  like she was the draft board.

And you’ve got candidate Greg Abbott going Full Metal Apostle Peter on Ted, denying him and then hopping in  car and peeling out of the parking lot like he just boosted a twelve-pack at the Sip n’ Shop.

And what of Ted?  Well he’s spending this evening  sitting in a duck blind somewhere sadtweeting that there are lots of things that are worse  (like BENGHAZI!!) than having your douchenozzle life dug up and getting slapped in the face with it:


Me thinks, he doth offensivethan’s too much…

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