On Wednesday night, Stephen Colbert lampooned the National Security Agency’s in-house “Dear Abby” columnist, “Zelda.”
“It’s no secret,” Colbert confessed, “that I’m a big fan of the NSA…and I’m sick and tired of people stressing out about the NSA. Specifically, people who work at the NSA.”
“Thankfully,” he continued, “the NSA has a cutting edge system to deal with workplace stress…the NSA has its own ‘Dear Abby,’ and she gets a lot of letters, some of which were sent to her.”
Her first column was about summer workplace attire, and “Zelda” opined that “not only is beach attire unprofessional in the workplace, but in certain cases it can be downright distracting to co-workers (if you get my drift).”
“I do,” Colbert replied. “If your coworker can’t keep his eyes off your bare legs, how’s he supposed to keep watching the person he’s watching undress through their laptop camera?”
But Colbert said his favorite column was one in which an NSA employee wrote in that “when the boss sees co-workers having a quiet conversation, he wants to know what is being said…He has his designated ‘snitches’ and expects them to keep him apprised…Now we’re more suspicious of each other and teamwork is becoming harder.”
“This ‘snitch’ program,” Colbert said, “is just another example of the NSA’s famous ‘total information awareness,’ and ‘total irony unawareness.’”
Watch the entire segment via Colbert Nation below.
Scott Eric Kaufman is the proprietor of the AV Club's Internet Film School and, in addition to Raw Story, also writes for Lawyers, Guns & Money. He earned a Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of California, Irvine in 2008.
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