Monica Lewinsky returns to say she is sorry about doing that ‘thing’ men like with that guy

By TBogg
Tuesday, May 6, 2014 15:56 EDT
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Smell that?

That is the smell of Campaign 2016 in the air.

Republicans — at this very moment — are trying to figure out who is the least objectionable boy to take them to the Presidential Prom where he will then proceed to lose both his car keys and his Red Lobster Fisherman’s Fryfest prom-night dinner in the parking lot… to say nothing of losing the electorally important states of Pennsylvania, Ohio, and North Carolina.

Democrats are pretty much betting that Hillary Clinton will help them continue their domination over White Penis-American Rich Guys Who Pick Terrible Running Mates, so that means the Clinton Years are coming back and you might as well get out your Chumbawumba records because the media is going to tubthump the shit out of them.

In particular, those halcyon days when America almost collapsed into a scorched hellscape all because of Oval Office oral.

Dude-bro heartthrob and guy who takes massive poops, Rand Paul, trial-ballooned the Clinton/Lewinsky tête-à-tête with face-sex story back in January but nobody bit like they did on his fake drone filibuster.  But now that the All-Star All-GOP #Benghazi #CountryBearJamboree is being rounded up to prove that Dead Vincent Foster was providing talking points from beyond the grave to Hillary — because he forgives her for killing him and true love never dies —  we can expect a slow roll-out of Other Things We Know About Bill & Killery.  The assumption by the GOP is that millennials will look up briefly from their Instatwitterselfiegramphones in 2016 and be appalled by a presidential blow-job since they are the most sexually chaste generation since forever.

Knowing what is coming [ahem] Monica Lewinsky is getting out ahead [ahem again] of the blizzard of stories that will no-doubt be written about her by  DC journalists already checking their style guides for acceptable terms for ‘putting a penis in ones mouth for the sexual gratification of another,’ also known as a ‘Fox News anchor interview.’

Lewinsky says she is sorry for causing America to feel such pain and Bill Clinton to feel such joy :

“I, myself, deeply regret what happened between me and President Clinton. Let me say it again: I. Myself. Deeply. Regret. What. Happened.”

She also adds that it was consensual, not that she wasn’t wronged in the long haul by a country that views a single woman who has sex as a scarlet whore with a big adultery ‘A’ applied to her blue dress with man juice:

“Sure, my boss took advantage of me, but I will always remain firm on this point: it was a consensual relationship. Any ‘abuse’ came in the aftermath, when I was made a scapegoat in order to protect his powerful position. . . . The Clinton administration, the special prosecutor’s minions, the political operatives on both sides of the aisle, and the media were able to brand me. And that brand stuck, in part because it was imbued with power.”

As for Hillary, Lewinsky is quite charitable:

Lewinsky responds to reports made public in February that Hillary Clinton, during the 1990s, had characterized her as a “narcissistic loony toon” in correspondence with close friend Diane Blair. “My first thought,” Lewinsky writes, “as I was getting up to speed: If that’s the worst thing she said, I should be so lucky. Mrs. Clinton, I read, had supposedly confided to Blair that, in part, she blamed herself for her husband’s affair (by being emotionally neglectful) and seemed to forgive him. Although she regarded Bill as having engaged in ‘gross inappropriate behavior,’ the affair was, nonetheless, ‘consensual (was not a power relationship).’”

So it looks like the press may not be able to whip up a Hillary/Monica claws-bared Greek-yoghurt-in-a-kids-swimming-pool catfight, disappointing the wonderful folks at Twitchy who probably had big plans to win the hashtag election with #Blowghazi.

#Blowghazi is dead. Long live #Benghazi — for as long as the GOP can fundraise from the rubes on it….

[Garden of Hedonism by Scott on FLICKR, Creative Commons Licensed]

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