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Stephen Colbert mocks Bible-loving Okla. lawmakers for getting bamboozled by Satanists

By Scott Kaufman
Wednesday, May 7, 2014 8:01 EDT
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On last night’s episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert discussed the Satanic Temple’s plan to erect a 7-foot tall, goat-headed Baphomet statue outside the Oklahoma State Capitol.

“I don’t have to tell you,” he began, “that there is a war on religion in America. The secular humanists will not stop until they take ‘God’ out of the Pledge of Allegiance, ‘Christ’ out of Christmas, and the ‘Jew’ out of the Fourth of July.”

“Christians are even under attack in Oklahoma, where a fiendish plot could go off without a hitch — unlike their executions.”

“Here’s how we got to where we are now,” Colbert said. “Back in 2005, the Supreme Court ruled that the Ten Commandments could not be displayed on government property.”

“Really,” he continued, “but it’s perfectly fine for public parks to display the Druid’s sacred symbol — the tree — and for the sky to put up the Islamic crescent moon every month. Wake up, it’s waxing Sharia!”

“Thankfully,” he said, “Oklahoma’s legislature passed a bill allowing the state to build the monument anyway, but requiring private funds for its installation. Now these Satanists are abusing this loophole.”

“They used the crowd-funding site ‘indiegogo’ to raise almost $30,000 using diabolically irresistible rewards, for instance, a $100 donation gets you an official Satanic Temple mug and T-shirt — because we all know nothing proclaims your allegiance to the Prince of Darkness more than a matching mug and T-shirt.”

Colbert then cited the Raw Story’s Eric Dolan, who wrote that the planned statue had been designed so that children “may sit on the lap of Satan.”

“That is wrong,” Colbert said. “Kids should only be sitting on the laps of strange old men at the mall.”

He then noted that the statue wasn’t even of Satan, but of Baphomet. “What kind of poseur devil-worshipers are we dealing with?” he asked. “Let me guess,” he added, “you’re ‘reform’ Satanists who believe that everyone should be allowed to worship the Lord of Hell in his or her own way.”

“Wrong!” he shouted. “There have got to be rules, or just become a Lutheran already.”

Watch the entire March 6, 2014 episode of The Colbert Report below.

Scott Kaufman
Scott Kaufman
Scott Eric Kaufman is the proprietor of the AV Club's Internet Film School and, in addition to Raw Story, also writes for Lawyers, Guns & Money. He earned a Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of California, Irvine in 2008.
 
 
 
 
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