Stephen Colbert welcomes Hispanics to the white race if they agree to be conservative males

By Scott Kaufman
Wednesday, June 18, 2014 7:58 EDT
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On Tuesday night’s episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert encouraged more Hispanics to identify as “white” for the good of the Republican Party.

“There’s one group that has always given [Republicans] support,” he said, “and that group is white guys. In fact, in 2012, sixty-two percent of white men voted for Mitt Romney, and those kinds of numbers should have led to an awkward, regrettable victory dance.”

“But there is some good news for the GOP,” Colbert continued. “It turns out that a study by the Pew Research Center of the last U.S. census analyzed the responses to two key questions: 1. Are you of Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin, and 2. What is your race?”

“Now, those two questions seem kind of similar, so the answers are kind of tricky,” he said. “When the Pew people studied the answers, they noticed something interesting — 2.5 million Americans who said they were Hispanic and ‘some other race’ in 2000…a decade later, told the census they were Hispanic and white.’”

“Meaning Hispanics are voluntarily becoming white. I do not blame Hispanics for becoming white,” Colbert added, “because, you see, white people get to live in the best neighborhoods, get the best jobs, appropriate the best music. I believe this proves that being white is a choice — and one I make every day. It shows in the way I dress, the way I dance, and the way I own a boat.”

“So I believe I speak for all white people when I say, ‘Welcome trans-Caucasians!’ I myself am cis-white, as I’ve always been comfortable with my birth race, but there is room for all of you in the white community — if you can get past the gate.”

Watch the entire episode of The Colbert Report via Hulu below.

Scott Kaufman
Scott Kaufman
Scott Eric Kaufman is the proprietor of the AV Club's Internet Film School and, in addition to Raw Story, also writes for Lawyers, Guns & Money. He earned a Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of California, Irvine in 2008.
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