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Jon Stewart laments ‘never-ending gobstopper’ GOP primary

On his show Wednesday night, Daily Show host Jon Stewart compared the Republican presidential primary to Zeno’s paradox, claiming candidates could never actually arrive at the endpoint. “All I heard was that Tuesday was Super Tuesday,” he said, “because we would finally have a decisive night, one that would finally…

Colbert uses transvaginal ultrasound wand for Super Tuesday margarita

Stephen Colbert shared his wide of array of cooking options in celebration of Super Tuesday, including his famous Republican salsa consisting of “mostly mayonnaise with a dash of Miracle Whip.” “Folks, this is it, it is Super Tuesday,” he said. “It is like the Super Bowl of politics, if it…

Jon Stewart: Iran saber-rattling meant for old Jews in Florida

On his show Tuesday night, Daily Show host Jon Stewart assured Iran that Republican candidates who appeared to be warmongering were actually just appealing to voters in Florida. “Are you familiar with Florida,” he asked Iran. “It’s a region in the south United States that we have filled with old…

Colbert: Limbaugh slips pills to women to have sex

Stephen Colbert decided to provide his own colorful opinion over Rush Limbaugh’s current problems Monday evening and advocated for a “dedicated Youtube channel for Medicare patients colonoscopies.” The Colbert Report host came to the defense of the much maligned radio host after replaying all of Limbaugh’s notable attacks on Georgetown…

Jon Stewart compares Limbaugh to pungent bucket of raw sewage

On his show Monday night, The Daily Show host Jon Stewart skewered conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh. Stewart first noted that many of his viewers made whoopee while his show was broadcasting, but warned them against engaging in “sexy time” because of the following segment. “Tonight you might want to…

Maher: Liberals have to get ‘out of the bubble’ regarding Obama

Host Bill Maher ended his Friday night episode of Real Time by explaining his $1 million donation last week to the pro-Obama Super PAC Priorities USA Action. “Every time I turn on the news, Christ-y-McSweater-vest [Rick Santorum] has just said something crazier than the last crazy thing he said,” Maher…

Astrophysicist deGrasse Tyson schools former GM exec Lutz on climate change

Popular astrophysicist and director of the Hayden Planetarium at the American Museum of Natural History Neil deGrasse Tyson schooled former vice-chairman of General Motors Bob Lutz on the reality of climate change during Friday night's edition of Real Time with Bill Maher. …

Colbert: Teachers are ‘destroying America’

On Thursday night’s The Colbert Report, host Stephen Colbert presented a “very special episode” of his People Who are Destroying America series. The segment featured Florida teacher Dawn Quarles, who registered her students to vote and now faces voting fraud charges and fines as a result. Quarles claims she was…

Jon Stewart takes on the Blunt amendment

On his show Thursday night, Jon Stewart ridiculed the Blunt amendment, which would have allowed employers to refuse to pay for health insurance coverage of specific services if it would be contrary to their religious beliefs or moral convictions. “It’s called the Blunt amendment after how high you have to…

Olbermann: Did Limbaugh just call his own mother a prostitute?

Countdown host Keith Olbermann on Thursday said conservative radio show host Rush Limbaugh of probably inadvertently called his own mother a prostitute. “His attacks on Georgetown University law student Sandra Fluke have cross some kind of line, particularly when it comes to revealing his own sexual desires and preferences,” he…

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