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Won’t you please help Liz Cheney save America from evil liberal John McCain?

By TBogg
Tuesday, December 17, 2013 20:31 EDT
 
Liz Cheney speaks to Fox News
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In our continuing series on the Dick Dynasty that is la famiglia Cheney we are getting fan-mail from the floundering campaign of Elizabeth “Liz, Not Lez” Cheney whom you may know as Daddy’s Little Deferment or, if you’ve seen her on the teevee machine: Princess Snarlyface. In order to defeat left-wing anarchist Mike Enzi (whose last name sounds suspiciously foreign and, in fact, contains important letters that you would need to spell out the last name of Bartolomeo Vanzetti. Coincidence? Doubtful.) Liz needs you to send her your Christmas Club money before you blow it on presents and food for the kids. (Helpful hint from McDonalds: Happy Meals contain both a toy and “food”, so you’re covered). What is Liz Cheney going to do with this money? I’m glad you asked because now I have something to do with this Very Important email that LIZ CHENEY PERSONALLY SENT TO ME because we are BFF’s even though she blocks me on Twitter which is probably an oversight or something and we will undoubtedly laugh and laugh about it someday.

Here is that email, and please note that she calls me “Friend” because that is what I am to her (click it to ginormousize it) :
Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 4.40.30 PMAs you can see my friend Liz is under attack from “a shadowy, out-of-state Super PAC” which has launched “a dishonest smear campaign to distort my her record” and by “shadowy out-of-state Super PAC” she means “communist homosexual foreigners” which is also just her nice way of saying “people from New York City”. And these same people are like the ones who tried to elect evil secret-liberal John McCain who Manchurian-candidated his way onto the 2008 GOP ticket and then blew the whole campaign up by picking Sarah Palin as his running mate which reminded people in America that our national elections were established for the purpose of maintaining an orderly transition of power and  not as a murder/suicide pact in an abandoned car parked behind a Circle K (also knows as a “Wasilla Divorce”). I mean, c’mon, McCain had to find some way to lose to a black guy. So, yeah, genius move. Well played, Johnny Mac. Not that Liz Cheney didn’t think something was up at the time.

But that was then and this is now, and these carpetbagging donors are trying to prevent carpetbagging Liz Cheney from claiming her rightful throne as the Cowboy Queen of Wyoming and she needs people like you and me who do not live in her state to give her money because when we give her our out-of-state money it is totally different because shut up. And besides, our invitation to the swanky $10,000 a couple dinner that was held in New York a few weeks ago, with her dad as the main attraction, in order  to raise money for her  probably got lost in the spam folder:

Supporters of Liz Cheney, whose campaign for a Senate seat in Wyoming got off to a rocky start, have created a “super PAC” to bolster her “name awareness and approval rating.” The group is hosting a high-dollar fund-raiser this week in Washington featuring her father, former Vice President Dick Cheney, at a Georgetown restaurant, according to an emailed invitation.

Mr. Cheney will be the keynote speaker at a $10,000-per-couple dinner here on Thursday at Cafe Milano to benefit the newly formed Cowboy PAC, a group that aims “to begin a statewide advertising campaign in the very near future.”

I am SO DISAPPOINTED because I have always wanted to meet undead-thing Dick Cheney and get to poke his unnaturally cool waxy skin and watch and  see if floral arrangements wilt and die in his wake like so many Iraqi orphans. Wait til Liz hears my e-vite never showed. She’ll be mortified. I bet she sends me a nice hand-written note of apology.

And then we’ll laugh and laugh about it someday…

Lara Logan is tan, rested and ready to come back and be kind of bad at her job again

By TBogg
Monday, December 16, 2013 19:29 EDT

You may remember CBS correspondent Lara Logan who recently took a leave of absence from 60 Minutes after spending A WHOLE YEAR working on a story about this guy who  said his  best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this girl who’s going with the guy who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors was at Benghazi! last year. I guess it was pretty serious. But then it turned out…

 

Daddy, don’t let your baby grow up to be Chunky Reese Witherspoon

By TBogg
Sunday, December 15, 2013 20:49 EDT

We have not paid much attention to our old pal Ross Douthat for some months now because he has been boring boring boring the hell out of people about Obamacare and the Pope and Breaking Bad with the trademark electrifying prose that has made him the Lester Bangs of the…

 

Riot in cell blocked 737

By TBogg
Friday, December 13, 2013 16:22 EDT

As much as I hate clickbait troll posts (which is pretty much anything by Patrick Howley) some things need to be addressed because the fate of mankind hangs in the balance. Which brings us to this Slate post, so, yeah, expect the contrarian view no matter how ridiculous, by Matthew…

 

Mich-ogyny

By TBogg
Thursday, December 12, 2013 15:14 EDT

The overwhelmingly male Michigan legislature yesterday passed a bill that would ban insurers from offering basic health plans that would include coverage for abortion, telling women that, if they want to kill their babies for the “purpose of sexual convenience” or because they don’t understand that rape culture is more…

 

National Review guys do not care for your slick baby-killing lawyerly ways. Also the gays, feh.

By TBogg
Wednesday, December 11, 2013 17:29 EDT

Someone (everyone?) at National Review Online had a serious breakdown this morning and published an early entry for the  Festivus Airing Of Grievances directed at the ACLU, baby-killing moms and gays, but not at black people because they haven’t replaced the Derb yet so you blah people are off the…

 

Shake, Rattled, and LOL

By TBogg

Proving that no gesture ( a wink, a nod, a jerk-off motion indicated by the vigorous pumping of a closed fist up and down) is too small to not possibly result in some deep geopolitical repercussions that will plunge earth into a nuclear holocaust destroying all signs of life on…

 

Look what they done to my smut, ma

By TBogg
Monday, December 9, 2013 13:19 EDT

Oh dear. It seems that upright citizens cultural scold Lee Siegel, who once saved America from not only the tyranny of  blogofascism but also single-handedly stemmed the blight of ballcaps, is – once again – being hoi polloi annoyed by the commoners whose base instincts have become a bit too…

 

Friday music thing

By TBogg
Friday, December 6, 2013 21:08 EDT

It is Friday, isn’t it? Because Stephen Colbert was making fun of Phish and Trey Anastasio last night I thought I would put this up: If you’re into this kind of thing. Also, too, I’m looking forward to reading this on my travels during the Christmas to New Year’s break…

 

The GOP’s ‘Hey Ladies, Me Love You Long Time!’ outreach is probably gonna fail big time

By TBogg

The GOP is taking great pains to prove to the wimmins of America that, despite their fumbling attempts  to transvaginal wand-love the gals for their own good, they are super cool with other things that the ladies want as long as it doesn’t have anything to do with equal pay…

 
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