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CNN taunts Mitt Romney, now wants him to get beat by a girl

By TBogg
Sunday, July 27, 2014 15:02 EDT
Mitt Romney caricature with stars via Flickr

CNN has a new 2016 presidential election poll out, two-and-a-half years before the actual election so you know these numbers will hold/are set in stone/are immutable. And, if Ann Romney just glanced over the first paragraph like most CNN readers do — which is why they are so awesomely informed — she probably told Mitt, “Oh look, honey, you should run again,” over a nice bowl of Cream o’ Wheat this morning.

If a rematch of the 2012 presidential election were held today, GOP nominee Mitt Romney would top President Barack Obama in the popular vote, according to a new national survey.

Woo-hoo! Buyers remorse! America is super sorry they voted for the blah guy and now would like to take him back for a refund except the return policy says must be returned within ninety days, must include original packaging, and receipt.  Let’s not even talk about that stupid extended warranty America bought, which is non-refundable.

But — still — this is good news for Mitt Romney, right? America is hankering for his steady hand, those shoulders you can land a 747 on, and his almost human-like laughter indicating his approval and physical joy at humorous words strung together or at the thought  of purchasing a company, gutting of its assets, and bankrupting it, but still making a nice return on investment which is then sheltered in an off-shore account. #RomneyLOL

So Romney should run again because America is saying, “Baby come back, I’ll be better to you this time, I swear.”

Maybe not.

But a CNN/ORC International poll also indicates that if Romney changes his mind and runs again for the White House, Hillary Clinton would best him by double digits in a hypothetical showdown.

Well, sure, but that’s just a hypothetical which is just a fancy word for bullshit.

The survey, released Sunday morning, also suggests that more Americans see Clinton as a strong and capable leader than those who feel the same way about Obama. But Clinton’s numbers on five personal characteristics have slightly edged down the past few months.

Clinton is tumbling, five different ways! Again, good for Romney.

Romney has said numerous times that he won’t run for the White House again. But what if things changed and he ended up as the GOP nominee in 2016? The CNN poll indicates that 55% of Americans would support Clinton, with Romney at 42%.

Oh, well that’s not good. At this point, Romney must be experiencing more ups and downs than a car elevator.

But still, he ‘s the best bet of a bad lot:

Thirteen percent of Republicans and independents who lean towards the GOP say they’d likely back Christie, with Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, a 2008 Republican presidential candidate, each at 12%. Perry – who ran for the White House last time around – and Rep. Paul Ryan of Wisconsin – the 2012 GOP vice presidential nominee – are both at 11%.


Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush and Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas are both at 8%, with Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida at 6%, Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin at 5% and former Sen. Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania, who battled Romney deep into the 2012 GOP primary calendar, at 3%.

You’ll notice that CNN didn’t include Michele Bachmann – probably because they’re racist against crazy people– but this is still shaping up to be a fun fun fun race for the GOP nomination, even before Pamela Michener throws her hat in the ring.

We now return you to two more years of think pieces on why Elizabeth Warrren should run even though she’s all, “No man. Hard pass…

(Image via Donkey Hotey  on Flickr, Creative Commons licensed]

Michele Bachmann hints she may make ’16 GOP primary 37% more hilarious by entering it

By TBogg
Wednesday, July 23, 2014 16:54 EDT

Fom  the Department of Good News That Really Makes Us Happy and Promises Lots of Hours of Childish Glee and Clapping of Hands, America’s Favorite Crazy Girlfriend, Michele Bachmann, is saying that she kinda sorta might be considering thinking conceivably about possibly perhaps who knows running for president again, if someone were to ask her real nicely, hint hint, bats her eyes, undoes top button of her blouse, licks lips lasciviously in a way that…


Leaving babies and dogs in hot cars is the new missing white women shark attack

By TBogg
Tuesday, July 22, 2014 14:20 EDT

Just like every county fair hangs their hat on a theme, (Farming! It’s Farmtastic!) every summer finds the cable media latching onto an apparent trend which they proceed to hump mercilessly  until Labor Day comes along and then everybody goes back to school and starts watching regular TV again because…


Scott Brown would rather hang out where men poop than answer your dumb Hobby Lobby questions

By TBogg
Thursday, July 17, 2014 16:03 EDT

Former nudie model and perennial seeker of civil service jobs, Scott Brown, having been told to ‘pahk his cah in someone else’s yahd’ by Massachusetts voters,  has been scuffling as of late — looking for another job, 3 hots, and a cot. After a brief stop camping out on the…


Crisis management guy not very good at crisis management, kind of dumb about law too

By TBogg
Wednesday, July 16, 2014 16:48 EDT

It was inevitable that, after weeks of hating on The Blacks for turning out and not-voting for current Teabagger hottie Chris McDaniel in Mississippi, then moving on to the trollops who are all slut-bags who can’t keep their whore legs together, that Conservatives would start looking  for another group to…


Never mind those dead kids, check out our NRA gunbunnies

By TBogg
Tuesday, July 15, 2014 9:54 EDT

In the wake of the Sandy Hook slaughter, where Adam Lanza watered the Tree of Liberty with the blood of 20 small children between the ages of six and seven, the NRA saw that they had their work cut out for them. If you thought by ‘work cut out for…


TBogg: I was the NRA

By TBogg

I was fortunate enough to have been born and to have spent my life living in a part of America where the climate is conducive to outdoor living year-round. The San Diego of my youth was the fabled “sleepy Navy town” of yore; scrub-filled canyons and mesas extending to the…


You too can talk like an embittered divorced white man with anger issues. Learn how now!

By TBogg
Saturday, July 12, 2014 14:11 EDT

I have developed a certain fondness for the men’s rights activists know as MRA’s, or more colloquially:  ‘Restraining-Order-Americans.’ Normally you would have to turn to PETA or Code Pink to find a group whose words and deeds are so completely detrimental to their aims and just make people go, “Ugh,…


Sarah Palin wants to be on The View. Make your own damn ‘Russia from my house’ joke

By TBogg
Monday, July 7, 2014 13:59 EDT

So you want some hot Sarah Palin news? Of course you do, you clicked on the link. Don’t lie. Well, since you’re here and since you asked so nicely, let’s get caught up on America’s favorite 7-year-long exploding-railcar-of-fertilizer career that is Sarah Palin, Snow Queen of the Northern Meth Tribes.…


Mitt Romney is tan, rested, and ready to lose again, so let’s do this thing

By TBogg
Thursday, July 3, 2014 14:35 EDT

In a move that can be seen as either desperation or ‘we’re all gonna die anyway, so what the hell?’ conservatives are casting their eyes westward to a man — a stoic man, an honest and true man of values, standing knee deep  in the Pacific Ocean watching the sun…