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The long dark tea-time of the soul and lonely days and lonely nights of Ted Nugent

By TBogg
Thursday, February 20, 2014 21:34 EDT
 
Ted Nugent on WCSX

Poor Ted Nugent is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, wango tango, cat scratch fever kind of a week.

A member of the brain trust that is running Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott’s gubernatorial campaign thought it would be a cool beans idea to invite the former Damn Yankees gee-tar picker to campaign for the governor because, obviously, Abbott needed to shore up his rightward flank lest the if-it-moves-shoot-it, if-it’s-young-hump-it, racist, homophobic, mens rights lunatic base suddenly go wobbly at the first glance of Wendy Davis’ pink shoes.

Presumably, for Nugent, there were no new gun shop ribbon cuttings or swap meet Legends of Rock appearances scheduled  this week, so what the hell. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Like, everything.

The  Abbott campaign has been spent this not-over-yet week  fending off questions about the Nuge’s hankering for the young ladies and his regurgitation of hip-hop happenin’ Nazi punchlines, and not whatever the hell Abbott is running on, We assume getting ‘gubmint’ out of peoples lives and back into ‘wimmen-folks’ uteruses where it belongs. Also, probably something about the Alamo.

Boss move, you guys. Someone deserves a raise and a yee-haw.

Now we’ve got Wendy Davis fund-raising on Ted Nugent’s camo-clad back, reminding women that he likes to refer to women in office as “varmints,” “fat pigs” and “dirty whores.”

You’ve got Ted, his own bad self, faking illness and running away from Erin Burnett  (“Burnett revealed that Nugent had canceled the interview two hours before it was scheduled to air, citing illness.”)  like she was the draft board.

And you’ve got candidate Greg Abbott going Full Metal Apostle Peter on Ted, denying him and then hopping in  car and peeling out of the parking lot like he just boosted a twelve-pack at the Sip n’ Shop.

And what of Ted?  Well he’s spending this evening  sitting in a duck blind somewhere sadtweeting that there are lots of things that are worse  (like BENGHAZI!!) than having your douchenozzle life dug up and getting slapped in the face with it:

nugelaments

Me thinks, he doth offensivethan’s too much…

Peggy Noonan would like rich people to use their ‘inside voices’ when being dicks

By TBogg
Wednesday, February 19, 2014 16:17 EDT

It was just the other day when, with snow falling as gentle as Jesus’ dandruff, Peggy Noonan took up her quill and dashed off a few haiku over a pitcher of saki with a bourbon chaser: Full fat flake fell far To sleep on the rude pavement. Grraaawwwr. The shovel. Run! Snowflake: distinctive, Unique. Liquefies, blends. A Loss, but less lonely All New York today Is slush. Slip, fall, “Have a hand!” We shyly love…

 

George Zimmerman is now a sad ‘homeless’ veteran of the Florida Stand Your Ground war

By TBogg
Saturday, February 15, 2014 16:20 EDT

George Zimmerman, who once shot a young man in Florida just to watch him die, wants you to know that things have not gone so well for him since he got away with stalking and murdering a teenager for being black. He is now homeless and doesn’t sleep well, unlike…

 

White House state dinners are the new ‘black bucks driving Cadillacs and buying t-bones’

By TBogg
Friday, February 14, 2014 13:54 EDT

You might be excused for thinking that, after five years, a certain segment of America- the Real Americans – would have finally accepted the fact that a nice black couple and their two kids had taken up residence in the neighborhood and they won’t be moving out for a few…

 

Ben Shapiro can really swing either way with this whole gay homosexuality thing in America

By TBogg
Tuesday, February 11, 2014 17:43 EDT

It is possible that I may have mentioned Ben Shapiro once or twice during his storied rise from guy who explained that people of Germany had never experienced life under communism to the guy who pushed the made-up Friends Of Hamas joke into a ‘thing’. What a long dumb trip…

 

James ‘Tarantosaurus Sex’ is still available. Take a number ladies, no pushing, no histrionics

By TBogg
Monday, February 10, 2014 21:20 EDT

If you were to take all of the byproducts and waste and stuff that falls on the floor at a sausage factory – things too disgusting to even put into a sausage – and you were to instead shove them into a large human-sized casing, and then left this man-sausage…

 

Michelle Malkin will crush her enemies with sick burn hashtags and killer sneers

By TBogg
Sunday, February 9, 2014 18:42 EDT

We come now to praise Michelle Malkin, not bury her. According to takes-self-seriously news site Politico, the perky gravity-challenged bile repository will be devoting herself to disrupting the Republican party’s flow in the upcoming election by promoting an Akin here, an O’Donnell there, everywhere a Joe Miller. We find this…

 

Liz Cheney lied and her campaign died or: Dick Dynasty – No Help For The Whelp

By TBogg
Friday, February 7, 2014 13:16 EDT

Remember Liz Cheney? The blonde spawn created during an unholy union between a man and woman for the express purpose of keeping the man out of the draft during the Vietnam war? The woman who threw her sister’s gay-marriage under the bus and then drove over it, back and forth,…

 

Horndog ex-pres was banging hot babe, says actor you might remember from that one movie

By TBogg
Wednesday, February 5, 2014 19:16 EDT

If you are tired of hot Hollywood news stories that make you indescribably sad or angry/self righteous/shouty on the intertubes we have some salacious news for you. The kind of Hollywood news that is about glamorous people with more money than you and have better sexytime than you have ever had…

 

Allen West does not like you singing his America songs in your weird foreign mud-language

By TBogg
Monday, February 3, 2014 3:18 EDT

Unemployed Florida rage-gator Allen West was just chilling in his rumpus room Sunday night, watching The Big Game, maybe eating some high-fructose-saturated heavily-salted snack foods and washing them down with a refreshing and frosty beverage just like every other Real American, when he saw his beloved country LITERALLY DESTROYED AND…

 
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