Home » Archives » Panic in Funland (Page 5)

Everybody’s talkin’ at me…

By TBogg
Tuesday, January 28, 2014 10:17 EDT

Tonight President Obama will address the nation and deliver the State of the Union address which is one of those things that is a Washington DC tradition even though nobody cares about it anymore and most people wish it would just go away because it serves no useful purpose other than to make people have to get dressed up on a weekday night and hang out with people they hate and it’s all blah blah blah blah fap fap fap whatever, who gives a shit, why am I here, I’d rather be at the Watergate snorting coke off of my mistress’s ass.

In other words, it’s just like a Sally Quinn dinner party, only you’re invited to watch on TV!  Lucky you. Sure, you could flip over to Bravo and watch something starring Bethenny Frankel but that would make you History’s Second Greatest Monster, right after Bethenny who contains more pure concentrated evil than Hitler and Taylor Swift combined. Bethenny …. God, I hate her.  So. Much.

So. Anyway. As I was saying: the State of the Union is tonight to be followed by the Republican response which is generally used to increase the profile of one the party’s up and coming ‘Rock Stars’ which is why many people still compare watching Mitch Daniels 2012 star turn to the pivotal moment in their youth when they saw the Beatles for the first time on Ed Sullivan. Only this year, Everybody Wants To Be A Rock Star:

The response, a once careful attempt at stagecraft fashioned under the close watch of party chiefs to be as uniform and on message as possible, has given way to political free agency.


For example, Senator Rand Paul, Republican of Kentucky, plans to spend part of Tuesday in a television studio off Capitol Hill recording his own unsanctioned rebuttal to Mr. Obama’s address that night. His staff plans to blast the video to news outlets around the world, and to the hundreds of thousands of people the senator reaches online through Twitter, Facebook and Snapchat.

Senator Mike Lee, Republican of Utah, will have top billing for the newest — and to some Republicans the most unwelcome — post-State of the Union event, the official Tea Party response.

Senator Ted Cruz, Republican of Texas, not content to wait until Tuesday, got rolling last week when he released a statement in which he demanded that Mr. Obama answer accusations on a variety of issues, including National Security Agency surveillance and the Affordable Care Act. He then followed up with a letter to Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. asking for a special prosecutor to look into accusations of political persecution by the Internal Revenue Service.

Competing with them for the soapbox will be Representative Cathy McMorris Rodgers of Washington, the fourth-ranking Republican in the House, who is to deliver the party’s official response.

Because of this, and because those of us at Raw Story care deeply and want to give you the readers “… the crucial contextual information necessary to understand what’s happened” we will be liveblogging/Tweeting/Shoutyfacing the SOTU and the Republican responses and the even more important media responses (“what does Peggy Noonan think and how drunk is she this time?”) on Raw Story tonight for The First Annual #RawSOTU where Publisher Roxanne, Editor TonyAmanda Marcotte, and my own bad self will welcome the Lovely & Talented Lizz Winstead to join us for an evening of delightfully  whimsical commentary,  bon mots, hilarious hijinks and probably some  swear words:

Screen Shot 2014-01-27 at 11.02.10 PM

Please join us then. BYOB.




Allen West will not lower himself to address your vagina so don’t even bother asking

By TBogg
Monday, January 27, 2014 20:50 EDT

How is the GOP’s Not-War On Women going? Oh… about the usual. Last week the former god-bothering governor of Hillbilly Gilead, Mike Huckabee, Jeebusplained that American wimmens are but a wicked lot of slutty pieces of tail who are willing, nay anxious, to trade the most sacred and precious gift that Jesus  endowed them with – their virginity vote – in exchange for a free lifetime supply of  government birth control. Armed with this Strumpet…


We were dead before the ship ever sank

By TBogg
Saturday, January 25, 2014 11:17 EDT

I have written previously about the very distressing, by which I mean ‘high-larious’, legal woes of National Review which is being sued for letting contributor Mark Steyn defame climate scientist Michael Mann for comparing him to child molester Jerry Sandusky on the internet pages of NRO. Long story short: Competitive…


Bill Kristol’s son-in-law declares combat war on opportunistic social climbers

By TBogg
Friday, January 24, 2014 17:07 EDT

At Columbia University, where he majored in history, he discovered National Review—“Jonah Goldberg: he’s really crucial to me”—and his future employer, the Standard. – Matthew Continetti  speaking to AFF Doublethink Over at the AIPAC student newspaper that calls itself the Free Beacon, combat journalist, adoring cunnilographer™ of Sarah Palin, and,…


Huckabee: Dems keep ladies in their voter harem by feeding their whore pill addiction

By TBogg
Thursday, January 23, 2014 15:06 EDT

Good news ladies! God-bothering huckster  (who is not Rick Santorum)  and perennial presidential nominee runner-up (who is still not Rick Santorum) Mike Huckabee has your back, or maybe in this case your front, in the Democrat’s War on Women. Yes, it is the Democrats War on Women, not like you…


The Dirt Devil made me do it

By TBogg
Wednesday, January 22, 2014 19:52 EDT

Submitted for your approval on the 41st anniversary of Roe v Wade, we give you the latest anti-choice missive from the fertile but unploughed mind of Kathryn Jean Lopez: It is said that K-Lo’s mind is a rocky place where an intelligent thought may find no purchase… Also, too: First…


Sarah Palin whitesplains the meaning of MLK Day to that black guy in the White House

By TBogg
Monday, January 20, 2014 17:38 EDT

Word-twerking reality show spokesmodel Sarah Palin woke up this morning and discovered that it was Martin Luther King Day, which she thinks is like Christmas to black people, and, since she forgot to buy presents,  she decided to give The Gift of Advice to President Barack Obama by explaining to…


I love you but I have chosen the End Times

By TBogg

There are few things in this world that the American Christian Right loves more than Israel. Depending upon the season, they are consumed with being verbally crucified every time a cashier at Subway wishes them “Happy Holdays!” instead of “Merry Christmas! Jesus is the reason for the season!” or with…


Hillary Clinton will be your new Lady President on Monday.

By TBogg
Friday, January 17, 2014 16:15 EDT

You’ve probably been busy with lots of important stuff lately  (reading blogs at work, ignoring your New Year’s resolutions, watching American Idol, convincing yourself that life isn’t a meaningless and empty void of despair even though you wake up sobbing every morning, making cupcakes … stuff like that) so you…


Thursday Night Once In A Full Moon Basset Blogging

By TBogg
Thursday, January 16, 2014 21:41 EDT

As has been pointed out many times in comments, there has been a dearth of hot-basset-doing-nothing-action on the blog. Yes, it is true. I stopped posting pictures mainly because it had reached the point where every picture of Fenway & Wembley looked like a similar picture that had already been…