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Erick Erick Erick Erickson’s Fire & Brimstone Jesus Jamboree Channel Changing Pep Talk

By TBogg
Thursday, December 19, 2013 14:58 EDT
 
Erick Erickson by Gage Skidmore via Flickr

Most Holy Reverend  Bishop Parson Erick An Infinite Number Of Ericks Erickson, who was personally put on Earth by Jesus to call retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter a “goat fucking child molester“, last night realized that his work (and His work) on Earth is not done and so he took to the pulpit in his garage (a Black & Decker WorkMate Portable Project Center w/ Vise)  to warn America that God will not be mocked by the A&E network for their high-tech crucifying of the First Amendment rights of Biblical Patriarch and Duck Nemesis Phil Robertson.

Preach, bro:

I have told you people again and again. You will be made to care.

Evil preaches tolerance until it is dominant and then it seeks to silence good. Phil Robertson, patriarch of the Duck Dynasty clan, honestly answered questions during an GQ interview. He spoke openly of his Christian faith. Because he offended a secular left at war with orthodox Christianity, he must be punished.

A&E and Phil Robertson both chose to put their respective faiths ahead of profits.

Why do they hate capitalism which is a better religion than Christianity because, you ever try and buy a flat screen with a parable instead of money? Guys at Best Buy don’t play that game.

What we should not shy away from is that Phil Robertson articulated very Biblical doctrine. He referenced scripture. Homosexual acts are, in fact, sinful according to the Bible. And as society begins to openly tolerate as normal things that really are not normal behaviors, society tends to start loosening up across the board as it descends down a slippery slope.

Because America is all loosened up and slippery we should probably talk about which part of the Bible that Robertson was referencing, by which I mean the buttsex part:

“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

I believe that is from the Book of Orifices (3:12) and those are the exact words that Jesus used when he spaketh from atop the Mount of Venus and He actually intended it as a compliment to the ladies for finally having it all no matter what Ann-Marie Slaughter says.
Pastor Erick adds:
A & E has now joined much of mass market culture in the Western World in picking sides in a fight — tolerance for gay rights, but not for Christians expressing honest answers to questions asked of their faith. The only surprise is that the Christians of Duck Dynasty could last there as long as they did. A&E has as much right to do this as you have to turn the channel. But they have clearly aligned themselves against us in the culture wars.

Ooo. Ooo! I know this one. It’s Matthew (5:39):

But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to the other channel. Like Spike TV, maybe 100o Ways To Die, although I only know one. Amirite? But seriously folks, what’s up with airline food…

But, as Jesus would say,  seriously folks….

The world is at war with Christ and those who put their faith in Christ. The silver lining of this act is that many Christians who decided they could sit on the sidelines and not have to care will have a wake up call — particularly millennial Christians.

The Church, however, must show it will stand with those who stand with Christ and not shy away from this fight lest too many weak and new Christians go wobbly and silent.

You will be made to care. You will not be given the option of silence or the sidelines.

So on your feet or on your knees, Christians and not the face-sodomy on-your-knees one because there is probably something in the Book of Orifices about that too and it’s probably not something you want to hear.

At least from Erick Erickson who is a real bonerkiller…

[image of Erick Erickson via Gage Skidmore's Flickr photostream, Creative Commons licensed]

Suffer the children to come unto me and I will hand them a broom and a dustpan

By TBogg

Tired of picking and losing  fights with the wimmens and the gheys, conservatives have decided that their best chance to notch one in the win column is to throw down with hungry children because, really, if you can’t successfully slap around a malnourished kid with the rickets, you might as well tear up your man card and sit around all day drinking arugula lattes and watching Ellen. Here is Georgia Republican Jack Kingston (R-Hunger Games)…

 

Peggy Noonan is super totes concerned that we’re gonna accidentally kill Paris because of Peggy Noonan

By TBogg
Wednesday, December 18, 2013 15:33 EDT

National vodka repository Peggy Noonan has just noticed that everyone who is anyone is doing “thoughtful year-end pieces on President Obama” these days so she mixed herself up a pitcher of  breakfast martinis, thanked Reagan’s loafers for a wonderful time last night, left them cab fare and bid them ‘parting…

 

Won’t you please help Liz Cheney save America from evil liberal John McCain?

By TBogg
Tuesday, December 17, 2013 20:31 EDT

In our continuing series on the Dick Dynasty that is la famiglia Cheney we are getting fan-mail from the floundering campaign of Elizabeth “Liz, Not Lez” Cheney whom you may know as Daddy’s Little Deferment or, if you’ve seen her on the teevee machine: Princess Snarlyface. In order to defeat…

 

Lara Logan is tan, rested and ready to come back and be kind of bad at her job again

By TBogg
Monday, December 16, 2013 19:29 EDT

You may remember CBS correspondent Lara Logan who recently took a leave of absence from 60 Minutes after spending A WHOLE YEAR working on a story about this guy who  said his  best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this girl who’s going with the…

 

Daddy, don’t let your baby grow up to be Chunky Reese Witherspoon

By TBogg
Sunday, December 15, 2013 20:49 EDT

We have not paid much attention to our old pal Ross Douthat for some months now because he has been boring boring boring the hell out of people about Obamacare and the Pope and Breaking Bad with the trademark electrifying prose that has made him the Lester Bangs of the…

 

Riot in cell blocked 737

By TBogg
Friday, December 13, 2013 16:22 EDT

As much as I hate clickbait troll posts (which is pretty much anything by Patrick Howley) some things need to be addressed because the fate of mankind hangs in the balance. Which brings us to this Slate post, so, yeah, expect the contrarian view no matter how ridiculous, by Matthew…

 

Mich-ogyny

By TBogg
Thursday, December 12, 2013 15:14 EDT

The overwhelmingly male Michigan legislature yesterday passed a bill that would ban insurers from offering basic health plans that would include coverage for abortion, telling women that, if they want to kill their babies for the “purpose of sexual convenience” or because they don’t understand that rape culture is more…

 

National Review guys do not care for your slick baby-killing lawyerly ways. Also the gays, feh.

By TBogg
Wednesday, December 11, 2013 17:29 EDT

Someone (everyone?) at National Review Online had a serious breakdown this morning and published an early entry for the  Festivus Airing Of Grievances directed at the ACLU, baby-killing moms and gays, but not at black people because they haven’t replaced the Derb yet so you blah people are off the…

 

Shake, Rattled, and LOL

By TBogg

Proving that no gesture ( a wink, a nod, a jerk-off motion indicated by the vigorous pumping of a closed fist up and down) is too small to not possibly result in some deep geopolitical repercussions that will plunge earth into a nuclear holocaust destroying all signs of life on…

 
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