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Colbert: NSA scandal means Statue of Liberty is ‘holding a boom mic’

On Wednesday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert took a moment out of his special Paul McCartney broadcast to discuss the ongoing NSA revelations and growing outrage around the PRISM program. First, Colbert pointed out that “millions of Americans whose privacy has been invaded were shocked to…

Colbert knocks Census: It’s like a drunk ex-boyfriend showing up on your porch

Stephen Colbert rallied behind Rep. Jeff Duncan’s (R-SC) call to gut the Census Bureau’s fact-finding powers. “Every few years they show up on our front porch demanding personal information,” Colbert raged, before bellowing, “It’s like a drunk ex-boyfriend: ‘Susan! Who’s that new guy you’re dating? What’s the highest level of…

Colbert shares Yelp prison reviews for benefit of ‘violent criminals’ in his audience

Stephen Colbert shared some stories from the review site on Yelp Monday, he said, because he was looking out for his audience. “I know that a large segment of my audience is violent criminals,” he explained, before advising viewers on how to use his show’s new phone app while leading…

Colbert: ‘It’s up to the gays to keep us from discriminating’

In Stephen Colbert’s mind, the person that would be the best choice to be Mitt Romney’s running mate is Rep. Steve King (R-IA), especially for his anti-gay stance. Colbert shared his support Tuesday evening for the ultra conservative congressman being the ideal VP choice for the likely GOP presidential nominee,…

Colbert apologizes to bovine transgender community for pink slime line

Stephen Colbert offered a rare apology – or in his words, a Colbology – Tuesday evening for calling “pink slime” a member of the “transgender community” the previous evening. “Apparently, some in the Twittersphere has accused me of being transphobic,” Colbert noticed. “So I just want to get out in…

Colbert reveals his lottery-winning secrets

On Thursday night’s “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert took on the topic of the Mega Millions Lottery prize, which is currently up to $540 million. Colbert claims to hold the winning ticket, having used techniques he learned from watching “Good Morning America” to choose his numbers. “Good Morning America”…

Stephen Colbert calls Fox’s Bolling to find out his gas price secret

For days, rising Fox News personality Eric Bolling has been touting a “secret plan” to lower gas prices by a dollar, a plan that he refuses to disclose to anyone but the Obama administration. He claims the plan is written down on a sheet of paper in a manilla envelope…

Colbert tries to stop the Romney countdown clock

Wednesday night on The Colbert Report, host Stephen Colbert discussed the results of the Super Tuesday elections in the fight for the GOP nomination. The answer, of course, is that there is no answer and that the primary battle will drag on into the spring. On Tuesday, Newt Gingrich carried…

Colbert: Limbaugh slips pills to women to have sex

Stephen Colbert decided to provide his own colorful opinion over Rush Limbaugh’s current problems Monday evening and advocated for a “dedicated Youtube channel for Medicare patients colonoscopies.” The Colbert Report host came to the defense of the much maligned radio host after replaying all of Limbaugh’s notable attacks on Georgetown…

Colbert: Teachers are ‘destroying America’

On Thursday night’s The Colbert Report, host Stephen Colbert presented a “very special episode” of his People Who are Destroying America series. The segment featured Florida teacher Dawn Quarles, who registered her students to vote and now faces voting fraud charges and fines as a result. Quarles claims she was…

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