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Colbert on GOP ‘civil war’: ‘The first thing they’ll have to fight over is who gets the Confederate flag’
With Tea Party Republicans increasingly at odds with “the manatee with a planatee,” Karl Rove, Stephen Colbert urged both sides to go all-out. “I believe Republicans cannot wuss out here,” he demanded. “Republicans need to charge ahead and take even more conservative positions in 2014.” The rift between Rove, the…
Colbert: Winter storm Nemo begins countdown to eating your loved ones
On Thursday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert issued stern warnings to people in the path of Winter Storm Nemo, urging them to salt their driveways, salt their meat and salt their loved ones, because at some point, you may run out of meat. The National Weather…
Colbert reexamines his bias against hatchet-wielding hitchhikers
The curious case of a homeless Californian called Kai, Stephen Colbert said Tuesday, was cause for him to rethink his longstanding prejudice against ax-wielding hitchhikers. Kai’s story of impromptu heroism has become an online hit after his colorful interview with KMPH-TV last week, in which he explained how he saved…
Colbert: Latinos and GOP ‘go together like beans and very, very white rice’
Stephen Colbert told his nación on Monday he was all for the Republican party’s sudden push to woo Latino voters, joining other pundits who saw the two groups as a natural fit. “Hispanics and Republicans go together like beans and very, very white rice … that is very suspicious of…
Colbert: Best part of Super Bowl is the ads for the ads
Thursday night on “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert paid tribute to Sunday’s Super Bowl game and confessed that his favorite part of the big game weekend is the ads for the ads, that is, the so-called “teaser” commercials that point viewers to the actual TV spots that will run…
Colbert offers recruitment tips to the new, ‘non-racist’ KKK
Wednesday night on “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert discussed the Ku Klux Klan and its new, purportedly non-racist positive message, then offered the group some handy advice for recruitment. Race relations in the U.S., Colbert said, continue to improve. “For instance, yesterday, I watched almost an entire Tyler Perry…
Colbert suggests U.S. embrace Guantanamo as ‘a terrorist retirement community’
For once, Stephen Colbert said, he had to hand it to “our radical Marxist homo-fascist secret Kenyan tragedy of a joke of a so-called president,” applauding President Barack Obama’s administration for electing to close the office formerly tasked with closing the Guantanamo Bay prison. “We did it!” Colbert said in…
Colbert salutes Virginia GOP for having ‘biggest balls’ in the U.S.A.
On Wednesday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert awarded the Republicans of the Virginia state senate the “Alpha Dog of the Week” award. Colbert was saluting the power grab the state Republicans pulled off when they drew new state districts while a Democratic leader was at the…
Colbert: Second Amendment was like a ‘Constitutional pre-nup’
Thursday night on “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert dedicated an edition of his recurring segment “The Word” to the battle over guns rights and public safety. In a segment titled “United We Standoff,” Colbert mused about the fact that the U.S. Constitution has “a built-in mechanism to stop democratically…
Colbert: ‘If you just spend enough money, death will be pleasant’
Stephen Colbert addressed a grave matter on Tuesday, turning his attention to a new coffin on the market that lets audiophiles take their favorite tunes with them to the next life. “The point is, if you just spend enough money, death will be pleasant,” he said after showing a commercial…
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