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Colbert on ‘Mystery Monkey’ attack: ‘Who knows who started it?’

Stephen Colbert revisited the case of Florida’s “Mystery Monkey” Monday, following reports that it bit an elderly woman last week. “I don’t believe you can call it an attack,” a local wildlife rescuer told WTSP-TV. “The monkey got on her shoulder, both sides freaked out.” Colbert was skeptical of that…

Colbert: Satire is parody with a point

During an appearance on Meet the Press, comedian Stephen Colbert explained the philosophy behind The Colbert Report. “I’m a satirist,” he told David Gregory. “All satirists make points. Satire is parody with a point. So if I was doing satire and didn’t have a point of view, then that would…

Colbert: Psychostimulant drugs are poor children’s only hope in school

On Wednesday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert presented an education-themed version of his recurring “The Word” segment. Entitled “Meducation,” it examined the shortage of teachers our nation is currently facing, and discussed the fact that some doctors recommend higher doses of medication for students as a…

Colbert puts Iran’s leaders ‘On Notice’

With time running out on Iran’s chase for nuclear capability, Stephen Colbert said Tuesday, saving the world was up to him, leading him to put the country’s leaders on his “On Notice” board. “Mullah this over!” the Colbert Report host announced, while slotting them between the band OK Go and…

Colbert: BLS should release ‘all the numbers’ when they go to the bathroom

Stephen Colbert joined the chorus of conservative skepticism over the recent statistical drop in the country’s unemployment rate Monday, saying the .3 percent drop “seems a little bit too barely-better to be true.” The Oct. 5 report by the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) revealed that the unemployment rate had…

Colbert: Lying worked for Romney, so f*&k it

On Thursday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert broke down former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA)’s performance at Wednesday night’s presidential debate, saying that of course the governor excelled at a debate that was squarely in his area of expertise, “soul-crushing boredom.” “The first half hour was an…

Colbert: George Will ‘screwed the pooch’ by writing his racist ‘post-racial’ column

Wednesday night on “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert took on a recent column by “Washington Post columnist and cursed ventriloquist’s doll” George Will, in which Will “screwed the pooch,” by Colbert’s reckoning. The column averred that President Barack Obama has his race to thank for his consistently higher poll…

Colbert: Debate could change everything but probably won’t

Tuesday night on “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert discussed the fact that the first presidential debate in Denver on Wednesday night between President Barack Obama and former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) could change everything in the race for the White House…except that it probably won’t change anything. “I cannot…

Colbert sings ‘Islands in the Stream’ with Kenny Rogers

Stephen Colbert took a break from his Comedy Central show on Tuesday to guest host ABC’s Good Morning America and performed a duet with country star Kenny Rogers while he was there. “The fact that I’m going to sing a duet with Stephen Colbert just really wraps up my life,”…

Colbert defends Ryan from ‘liberal hacks’ at Fox News

Stephen Colbert started the week on The Colbert Report enraged at the “liberal hacks” at Fox News for their treatment of Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) on Sunday. Ryan, the Republican candidate for vice-president, had a contentious interview with Chris Wallace over the 20 percent across-the-board tax cut he and GOP…