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Colbert: Winter storm Nemo begins countdown to eating your loved ones
On Thursday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert issued stern warnings to people in the path of Winter Storm Nemo, urging them to salt their driveways, salt their meat and salt their loved ones, because at some point, you may run out of meat. The National Weather…
Colbert: I’m too objective to mention that my awesome sister is running for Congress
On Wednesday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert declared that as an objective and non-partisan journalist, he will not be mentioning that his sister is running for a seat in the U.S. Congress representing their home state of South Carolina. He began by reasserting his pride at…
Colbert reexamines his bias against hatchet-wielding hitchhikers
The curious case of a homeless Californian called Kai, Stephen Colbert said Tuesday, was cause for him to rethink his longstanding prejudice against ax-wielding hitchhikers. Kai’s story of impromptu heroism has become an online hit after his colorful interview with KMPH-TV last week, in which he explained how he saved…
Colbert: Latinos and GOP ‘go together like beans and very, very white rice’
Stephen Colbert told his nación on Monday he was all for the Republican party’s sudden push to woo Latino voters, joining other pundits who saw the two groups as a natural fit. “Hispanics and Republicans go together like beans and very, very white rice … that is very suspicious of…
Colbert: Best part of Super Bowl is the ads for the ads
Thursday night on “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert paid tribute to Sunday’s Super Bowl game and confessed that his favorite part of the big game weekend is the ads for the ads, that is, the so-called “teaser” commercials that point viewers to the actual TV spots that will run…
Colbert offers recruitment tips to the new, ‘non-racist’ KKK
Wednesday night on “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert discussed the Ku Klux Klan and its new, purportedly non-racist positive message, then offered the group some handy advice for recruitment. Race relations in the U.S., Colbert said, continue to improve. “For instance, yesterday, I watched almost an entire Tyler Perry…
Colbert suggests U.S. embrace Guantanamo as ‘a terrorist retirement community’
For once, Stephen Colbert said, he had to hand it to “our radical Marxist homo-fascist secret Kenyan tragedy of a joke of a so-called president,” applauding President Barack Obama’s administration for electing to close the office formerly tasked with closing the Guantanamo Bay prison. “We did it!” Colbert said in…
Colbert: Hillary left Benghazi hearing with GOP’s ‘nuts in her attaché case’
On Thursday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert recapped the drama of Hillary Clinton’s Senate hearing on the terror attack in Benghazi, Libya. Colbert said that it looked like Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI) got a little more than he bargained for in his effort to cross examine…
Colbert salutes Virginia GOP for having ‘biggest balls’ in the U.S.A.
On Wednesday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert awarded the Republicans of the Virginia state senate the “Alpha Dog of the Week” award. Colbert was saluting the power grab the state Republicans pulled off when they drew new state districts while a Democratic leader was at the…
Colbert pushes ‘Zero Dark Thirty’ director Bigelow on torture scenes
Stephen Colbert eased up on the silliness just a little bit for his interview with “Zero Dark Thirty” director Kathryn Bigelow on Tuesday, as he zeroed in on the controversy surrounding the film’s depiction of torture-based interrogation. Colbert specifically mentioned a scene in which the film’s protagonist, played by Jessica…
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