Home

Two models wear a prototype design of Google's glasses. Courtesy, Google.

My Script for GOOGIE GOGGLES Advertisement (rejected)

Note: This entire ad is from the actual POV (that’s “Point of View”) of the protagonist! Neat idea, huh? We see the actual point of view of the person wearing the GOOGIE GOGGLES, see? That’s how we demonstrate all the great programs and “apps” of our new GOOGIE GOGGLES! Just as if the viewer of the ad were actually seeing through them, too!!

(We hear the wearer, who is a hip, young urbanite male. We know he is an urbanite because he will, later on, be actually walking the streets of New York City – I think we can get a permit for this, people)

Wearer: Hmm, yawn, oh, gee, I fell asleep with my GOOGIE GOGGLES on! Oh, wow!

(Soft, studio-produced and slightly sound-compressed ukelele music with an occasional xylophone note proceeds to play over soundtrack for remainder of the ad)

(Text scrolls across the top of the screen as the Wearer seems to be yawning and stretching as we see his arms in the POV and what appears to be his bedroom with desk, chair, occasional glimpses of his bed, etc. as he looks about)

Text Actually Scrolling Across the Top of the Screen and, resultantly, the Wearer’s POV: Hello, Tad!

Wearer (Now Tad): Hello, GOOGIE GOGGLES! God! Can you point me the way to the coffee??

Text, Scrolling: It is in the kitchen.

(Here, a blue line forms across the GOOGIE GOGGLE screen, out the door, and into the unknown nether region of Tad’s very probably well-appointed but modest dwelling)

Tad: Oh, wow… Thanks! (Tad yawns again, stands up, and we see the cute bunny slippers he has put
on as he goes to follow that blue line going out of his bedroom door)

Text: You’re welcome!

(A sound comes across the soundtrack as Tad clearly has tripped over some unseen object in the GOOGIE GOGGLE-provided pathway)

Tad: Ow! God!! (We see that Tad clearly stumbles forward and the floor of his modest but
well- appointed bedroom comes rising up to meet Tad’s POV) Ow! Ouch!

Text: (scrolling succinctly and efficiently across the screen) It appears you have just stumbled over something on your bedroom floor.

Tad: Ouch!! (we see the doorknob of Tad’s bedroom door as it rises to meet his POV, and it is clear that it has probably struck Tad’s chin, or, possibly, his nose, as it does so) Ow! God!! Gee, that really smarts like anything!

Scrolling Text: Are you in any physical distress? Should we alert an ambulance, or a neighbor or relative?

(We see on Tad’s POV the names and small portrait faces of several of Tad’s close relations and neighbors, representing Tad’s wide array of close personal relationships with those around him, as we also see the floor more fully rise up indeed to fill the area entirely behind these images on the GOOGIE GOGGLE vision field)

Tad: Ah! Agh!

Scrolling text: Or, perhaps we should alert a friend?

(Over Tad’s GOOGIE GOGGLES we see a wide array of new people’s facial representations, attractive and smiling, fading into view)

Tad: Augh! Oogh!! (breathing hard) Boy, that really hurt… ah. Let me lay here a minute…

(We continue to see Tad’s POV as he looks at his ceiling)

Scrolling text: You have a message coming in – it is from Kate S. (we see a small moving facial representation of a smiling Kate, an attractive young woman) … see the message?

Tad: Eh… sure!

Kate: (her moving face in a small rectangle at the bottom of Tad’s POV as he continues to lay on his back, facing the ceiling) Don’t forget 8:30 meeting at Krooshie’s! Bye-eeeeeeeeeee!

Tad: Oh, yeah, I’d better get going. (We see Tad get up as the image of Kate disappears and the blue line that was directing him, before, comes back on the screen as his bedroom comes back into view) Oh, okay: line off, please!

Scrolling text: Are you sure you want the line off? Choose: Yes, I do OR No, I don’t.

Tad: (not at all irritated as he pauses before going towards the door, once again) Yes, I do!

Scrolling text: Would you like me to have this directive blue line available tomorrow?

Tad: Sure!

(We fade to Exterior POV shot as Tad walks down not at all crowded NYC street sidewalk, which I think we can get appropriate permissions for shooting on)

(POV shot as our Tad approaches a subway entryway and, subsequently, a dark staircase going down below the sidewalk)

Scrolling text: Warning! Subway delayed twenty minutes!

(Luckily, the GOOGIE GOGGLES have warned Tad not only that he might be delayed in his morning travels or commute, but has done so before Tad has descended into the dark nether regions of the subway staircase)

Tad: Thanks! (we see Tad’s POV going away from this subway entrance, as a map pops up of the route Tad can take to arrive at his appointment at Krooshie’s in a timely manner, as he now walks down the sunny NYC sidewalk)

(As the route map fades out, we see from Tad’s POV that he is now walking on the NYC street next to the sidewalk, and a bicyclist is coming dangerously near Tad’s POV)

Tad: Ooh! Sorry!

Bicyclist’s voice fading out as he goes by: Hey, man: are those the new GOOGIE GOGGLES?!

(As Tad proceeds across the street, we see that an automobile is coming dangerously near Tad, and we now see the POV fly upwards very rapidly, as if the GOOGIE GOGGLES are independently and magically suspended in midair at one point, with far off clouds and sky briefly filling the POV. Simultaneously, we hear the sound of screeching tires echoing on the urban street scene as it becomes reasonably certain that Tad has been involved in some mishap involving the automobile seen in his POV, earlier, and we now see the GOGGLE’S independent POV as it falls back towards the ground, with a very quick expository view as it does so of Tad laying face down in front of what is presumably the automobile which appears to have, unfortunately, struck him quite down )

(We now see the GOOGIE GOGGLES POV facing a gutter as the GOOGIE GOGGLES appear by now to have very obviously left Tad’s skull as a result of the accident and are now laying on the street. I think this entire car- pedestrian sequence will really add mystery and excitement to the narrative )

Scrolling Text: It appears that you may have been involved in a serious traffic incident – an ambulance and the appropriate authorities will now be alerted to your whereabouts and probable requirements.

(Cut to a POV that indicates that our Tad has had his GOOGIE GOGGLES restored to his face, and that he is being wheeled down a hallway on an emergency medical gurney device, as medical personnel hover about him )

Attendees, muttering to each other: Stat. Metric liters. Injection. Two ICCs.

Tad: (very quietly and groggily) Hey?

Scrolling text: You have been transported to the closest medical facility or hospital from your traffic incident for emergency medical care. (In large, blinking red letters across the entire screen, we read:) PRIMARY BANK ACCOUNT DEPLETION BEGINS

( We now see the GOOGIE GOGGLES text function thoughtfully provide a read-out of Tad’s modest-but-respectable four -figure bank account in dollars at it begins depleting in ten to twenty dollar increments, every quarter-second or so, for the duration of this scene)

Tad: (louder but still groggy) I’m… I’m in the hospital?

Concerned, worried man in medical garb with New York metropolitan area accent: Hey, you were hit by a car, you’re at the hospital, guy, I’m the head of the ambulance crew, we have to have the doctors check you out, man.

Scrolling text across Tad’s vision: This is Edwin Reed of Flatbush, Brooklyn, New York City (we have a smiling portrait of Edwin’s face in happier, non-professional circumstances, at the bottom of the screen) Add him to your friend’s list?

Tad: Yeah! Sure! Ooooh, I don’t feel very good!

Text: (As Edwin’s portrait is added to an array of Tad’s friends we see on the screen) Make him available to your other friends?

Edwin: It’s okay, Man, you’re going to be all right, just in really a lot of pain for awhile, really very probably a whole lot of pain, to be really super honest with you, fellah, but we’re just having the doctors checking you out, man, you’ll be okay!

Tad: Oh, great, Edwin! Thank you so much!

Edwin: Hey… you know my name? How the — hey… are those the new GOOGIE GOGGLES??

(Freeze on Edwin’s smiling face as the words GOOGIE GOGGLES come up and freeze on the screen with lettering not unlike the swirling array of stars in Vincent Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” painting masterpiece)

(As the ukelele and xylophone music concludes on a warm chord, we hear a stereophonic male a cappella chorus, singing to the tune of “Smells like Teen Spirit” – I think we can get permission for that, people):

GOOGIE GOG-GLES
GOOGIE GOG-GLES
THEY ARE HERE, NOW
GOOGIE GOG-GLES
THEY’RE FANTASTIC
HMM HM HM HMMMM
GOOGIE GOG-GLES
HUMM HUM HMMM HMMMM
TRA-LA-LA LAAAAA
GOOGIE GOG-GLES
YADDA YAH-YAAAH
GOOGIE GOG-GLES
YEAH!

with special thanks to Hal Robins for the bank-deletion-readout-in-hospital concept

Written by | Earl Yazel

Earl Yazel currently resides in the San Francisco Bay Area, where he grew up and attended university. He has written for and participated in broadcasts for the flagship Pacifica Radio station KPFA in Berkeley, California, on the long-running Over the Edge program. He may be reached at e_yazel@yahoo.co.uk

Scroll To Top