Judging by who everyone on the internet has declared is unsuitable to be Obama's VP, I've determined the one acceptable candidate left. Hawaii Senator Danial Akaka.


There are two major reasons that this choice works so brilliantly. Akaka doesn't piss of PUMAs, Southerners who hate Northerners, Northerners who hate Southerners, Westerners who hate Easterners or Easterners who hate Westerners, people who want someone besides a conservative white guy and people who want a veteran.

More importantly, the ticket would be Obama/Akaka. More vowels than consonants for the first time EVER. And, bonus, if you say it too fast, it sounds like you're saying "macaca", which allows for infinite replays of the race card.

Think about it...