Okay, so this post is going up the day after the 88th anniversary of women gaining the right to vote. I guess I delayed saying anything because I didn't have anything immediately clever or interesting to say outside of "Thank god it's in the Constitution." But upon reading Bitch PhD's blog post about going to an equality-for-women party at the DNCC, I realized that "Thank god it's in the Constitution" is sadly a profound thing to say.

Ah yes, feminists = baby killers. Tons of anti-abortion protesters outside the University Club protesting the "Women's Equali-Tea" on Women's Equality Day at the DNCC. Lots of cops, too, just in case any of us butch feministas decide to pop a protester in the mouth. (Kidding! I kid!) Actually, the protesters were by and large young, hip-looking women; whoever coordinated this particular protest was pretty savvy about appearances.

In other words, anti-choice protesters were protesting a party that was organized to celebrate women's suffrage. It makes sense. The hard right wingers try to filter every objection they have to women's rights through the abortion lens, because they know that bald protestations against women's basic rights tend to go over poorly. (Except for some reason, the Title IX whiners don't feel any need to hide their agenda.) But with the fancy new "everything's abortion" argument, I expect we'll start seeing some creative inroads against arguing against other rights for women.

I mean, if you can buy that not getting pregnant in the first place is actually an abortion,* then why not expand the definition even further to start chipping away at other feminist gains and ideas?

*Votes for women are totally abortion. Look, the only reason that abortion is legal is because women became a voting bloc whose opinions mattered politically. There's exactly no way we'd have Roe v Wade if we didn't have the 19th amendment.

*Equal pay for equal work? Abortion. If women have more money, they're just going to buy abortions. It's like giving a kid a bigger allowance---they'll just buy more candy with it. Except for abortions.

*Title IX? Of course it's abortion. All that running and jumping around that female athletes do makes the womb inhospitable, which is abortion. Also, Title IX ensures equal funding for academics. Girls who think hard have less uterine lining. I read that somewhere, probably an 19th century "medical" textbook. Anyway, we know that teenage girls who participate in sports have a lower pregnancy rate. If a teenage womb goes empty, that's abortion.

*Do I even need to spell out how feminist opposition to rape and other forms of violence against women are abortion? You start putting the idea in women's heads that they own their own bodies and no one can fuck those bodies or beat them without their permission, and they're going to draw the logical conclusion---they have a right to own their own bodies, therefore a right to abortion.

*Sexual harassment laws are abortion. A Russian judge told me. No, seriously. If women start to get hostile and unwelcoming towards demeaning sexual harassment at work, their wombs become hostile and unwelcoming to male seed. Which is abortion. Science and some random thing someone scribbled on a condom package once says so.

*Not taking your husband's name is abortion. If you guys have different names and you get pregnant, there will be a struggle over what to name the kid, and so of course, abortion will be the only solution in our cold, feminist world.

*Sharing the housework equally with a man is abortion. If he has to scrub things, it weakens his sperm. And so any zygotes created are weak and may not make it, which is abortion.

Make up your own!

*Wouldn't it have been cool if they'd made up a pseudo-scientific argument about how condoms mess with the space-time continuum, turning already fertilized eggs unfertilized by bending time with latex. If you're going to just make up the science, like they did with the whole "the pill is abortion" thing, why not at least make it cool and interesting?