imageHow fucking complicated does every theory about Barack Obama have to be?

The newest one is that he's hiding documents in a library about all the time he and Bill Ayers spent plotting to blow up churches and daycares by combining the powers of the Annenberg Foundation, Richard Daley and Mrs. O'Leary's cow to hide the magic plans and blueprints from prying eyes. Or, more likely, the files are tied up in some bureaucratic technicality (like the shredder!) and will be released as soon as it's fixed.

This goes along with Barack Obama's mysterious three-country birth certificate, his ever-changing name and religion, his wholesale manipulation of the entire Democratic primary process, his wife's hidden radical thesis manifesto, the rather large body of George Soros pet projects he's the point man for, his ability to singlehandedly preserve infanticide in Illinois, his manipulation of global politics and that whole Crisis on Infinite Kenyas thing. One time, I asked Barack Obama to go pick up a Coke for me at the store. He came back three months later with five preserved and framed shares from the original Coca Cola Company and a Brazillian flag. I didn't ask, but they all make very nice wall decorations.

WELL, LOOK AT THIS UPDATE: The White House lost more than half a year's e-mails. Just, you know, randomly.