Kate and I married in 2004; we forgot to crack open The Homosexual Agenda in order to get with the marriage-destroying program...dammit, look, it's right here:

6:00 am Gym

8:00 AM Breakfast

9:00 AM Hair appointment

10:00 AM Shopping

12:00 PM Brunch

2:00 PM (Here's the really important part)

1) Assume complete control of the US Federal, State and local Governments as well as all other national governments

2) Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle

3) Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages

4) Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels

5) Establish planetary chain of "homo breeding gulags" where over -medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership

6) Bulldoze all houses of worship

7) Secure total control of the INTERNET and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers.

2:30 PM Get Forty Winks of Beauty Rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest

4:00 PM Cocktails

6:00 PM Light Dinner

8:00 PM Theater

11:00 PM Bed

Media Matters brings you that sad state of Crazy Pat's mind from the October 20 edition of Christian Broadcasting Network's The 700 Club: